deleted at author's request, Short story Options

[Guest_Andrew_*]

deleted at author's request

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Andrew!  

I finally had a chance to read your post yesterday and enjoyed it very much!  

You've already received some great tips (seeing as this is so polished already, it's hard to nit).   One item that I do is to italize thoughts of the character (it may very well be a U.S. thing, I'm not sure as I don't use quotes on thoughts.

I was hoping he WOULD press that black button so we could learn what happened! Perhaps we can just pnder ourselves, would he have (a) been turned into a x, (b) been zapped into nothingness, © been tickled by a hord of x - well you get the idea...      

I have been in an MRI recently with a back injury and I confess, it is not a pleasant experience. Yes, they gave me some headphones and asked me what music I liked, but that constant tick tick tick bang bang bang was too loud! LOL! All I could think of was 'when can I get the hell out of this thing?'


Anyway - here are just a few ideas to ponder...
Cheers!
~Cleo  

[delete] {add}

"Hi."  As the word caught in the roof of my mouth, it occurred to me that I was nervous.  Interesting, I thought: a feeling.  Perhaps I was getting better already.
Interesting. A feeling. I thought.  Perhaps I was getting better already.

The doctor placed my case notes by the keyboard and began to whisper into the man's ear.  I took this opportunity to study my environment.  The white-washed walls, the small desk and the flickering computer screen, all [were]dominated by the hulking presence of the scanning machine itself.  

If I looked above the tips of my prism glasses, I could see the ceiling only a few centimetres from my head.  As I lay supine, my elbows pressed themselves against the walls.  You may experience a degree of claustrophobia, they had warned me during the induction.  What though, I wondered silently, could be more claustrophobic than one's own mind?

Love the ending!!!!!  :pharoah2