An azure greeting, an ivory farewell Options

[Guest_KnightWolf_*]

Before:
O, vanguard bloom, wilt thou nourish the dew this day?
Thy touch will cleave unto her soul with steadied hands
Each sapphire strand entranced by silver filigree strains
That resound with the descending drops of tenderness.


Sylph ethereal, and sycamore memory ‘neath the keel
Of Sky, sifting Meadow’s veil with every fallen petal.
Emerald prayers concentric with descants and reverie
Intertwine, clasping each fold of the vale, end to end.


Her flora, and dawn, a locket of golden stream unfurled
Lies down across the crocus gown, mist lingered once more,
While nigh a symphony clambers ebony white upon lace,
Her frost-lily hemstitch of soul doth clothe us two whole.

After:
O, vanguard bloom, wilt thou nourish the dew this day?
Thy touch will cleave unto her soul with steadied hands
Each sapphire strand entranced by silver filigree strains
That resound with the descending drops of tenderness.


Sylph ethereal and sycamore memory ‘neath the keel
Of Sky, sifting Meadow’s veil with every fallen petal.
Emerald prayers concentric with descants and reverie
Intertwine, clasping each fold of the vale, end to end.


Her flora and dawn, a locket of golden stream unfurled,
Lie down across the crocus gown, mist lingered once more,
While nigh a symphony clambers ebony, white upon lace,
Her frost-lily hemstitch of soul doth clothe us two whole.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Nick and a warm WELCOME TO MM!


This is a wonderful (old-world feel) poem that has a rhythm made stronger by your assonance-filled phrases!  

Please feel free to take or toss my suggestions below.
Welcome!
~Cleo  

{add} [delete]

O, vanguard bloom, wilt thou nourish [the dew] this day?
I do not think blooms nourish dew?

Thy touch will cleave unto her soul with steadied hands
Each sapphire strand entranced by silver filigree [strains]
Not sure why you have inserted the word strains so I will suggest removal?
[That] resound{s} with the descending drops of tenderness.


Sylph ethereal[,] and sycamore memory ‘neath the keel
Of Sky, sift[ing]{s} Meadow’s veil with every fallen petal.
Emerald prayers concentric with descants and reverie
Intertwine, clasping each fold of the vale, end to end.

Very lovely and metaphorical of earth, sun, day, night!

Her flora[,] and dawn, a locket of golden stream unfurled
Lie[s] down across the crocus gown, mist lingered once more,
While nigh a symphony clambers ebony white upon lace,
AS a preposition for to draw near? Suggest [while a symphony clambers nigh, ebony white upon lace]
Her frost-lily hemstitch of soul doth clothe us [two] whole.

A lovely old-world voice filled with imagery of nature’s personification. Add to that all the clever phrases filled with assonance and this sings!