THE FLAME, Sonnet for Ralph Options

[Cybele]

FIRST REVISION

THE FLAME


Between first meeting and our last goodbye,
are days in which I’ll tend my most true flame,
that it may neither sear your loving face with its
white heat, nor by neglect or my inconstancy
leave you cold. In love’s name
let my gentle fire live in your embrace.


Love is not love, that uncontrolled, consumes
its source of fuel with jealousy and greed,
nor unattended, chokes with noxious fumes
the loving heart on which it needs must feed.

So like the crucible, which holds the gold
protected from the furnace blast – I will,
with tender warmth, your treasured love enfold
until your need of me it quiet and still.

"All rights reserved by Grace Galton as an unpublished work."

[Cybele]

Hi Grace.

This is a beautiful poem, expressing the noblest
and purest aspects that love is.  I thoroughly enjoyed.

My only suggestion is a stanza break:


Between first meeting and our last goodbye,
are days in which I’ll tend my most true flame,
that it may neither sear your loving face with its
white heat, nor by neglect or my inconstancy
leave you cold. In love’s name
let my gentle fire live in your embrace.>>>stanza break here

Love is not love, that uncontrolled, consumes
its source of fuel with jealousy and greed,
nor unattended, chokes with noxious fumes
the loving heart on which it needs must feed.

So like the crucible, which holds the gold
protected from the furnace blast – I will
with tender warmth, your treasured love enfold
until your need of me it quiet and still.



It warms my own heart to know that you've found/given such love
and it has lasted a years.  You are both lucky.  May it always be.

Straight from the heart - beautiful writing!


Michelle

Hello Michelle,
I am very pleased that you like this.

Since this is not a true sonnet I think your suggestion is very valid and I have revised it thus.

I really didn't know whether to post it or not because it is so very personal,   but then I thought, I might as well know if I had written it properly all those years ago.


Thank you for reading it. I have a new reward for anyone reading my pieces. Here it is. HAVE A FISH   Now look after him mind!


Love

Grace  :farmer: