THE FLAME, Sonnet for Ralph Options

[Cybele]

FIRST REVISION

THE FLAME


Between first meeting and our last goodbye,
are days in which I’ll tend my most true flame,
that it may neither sear your loving face with its
white heat, nor by neglect or my inconstancy
leave you cold. In love’s name
let my gentle fire live in your embrace.


Love is not love, that uncontrolled, consumes
its source of fuel with jealousy and greed,
nor unattended, chokes with noxious fumes
the loving heart on which it needs must feed.

So like the crucible, which holds the gold
protected from the furnace blast – I will,
with tender warmth, your treasured love enfold
until your need of me it quiet and still.

"All rights reserved by Grace Galton as an unpublished work."

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Grace...

Does he like it? He should!

Between first meeting and our last goodbye,
are days in which I’ll tend my most true flame,
that it may neither sear your loving face with its
white heat, nor by neglect or my inconstancy
leave you cold.

I understand this but I wonder if you might have incorporated a reference to it actually not being allowed to dim? Here it almost indicates that a flame might leave him cold. Just a thought; after all, I did understnd it so it may be ok.

In love’s name
let my gentle fire live in your embrace.
Love is not love, that uncontrolled, consumes
its source of fuel with jealousy and greed,
nor unattended, chokes with noxious fumes
the loving heart on which it needs must feed.

Maybe feeding on a heart gives the wrong impression? Maybe something like sustained by a heart or powered?

So like the crucible, which holds the gold
protected from the furnace blast – I will
with tender warmth, your treasured love enfold
until your need of me it quiet and still.

An excellent poem and I know that my suggestions would cause structural problems so it might be better to leave it as it is. However, something to think on't.

I bet Ralph's rite chuffed, lass!

Yours in warmth, too, J.