Tints of Time, Seasonal Options

[Eisa]

Tints of Time   ( recent revision)

The fading veils of nature sway
from verdant tints to rusty hues;
old Summer’s samba dies away
while Autumn twirls in ballet shoes.


Her rustling russet skirts, aswirl,
combine with vivid tangerine;
bright crimson belts of berries curl  
like scarlet sequins in between.
Where topaz tumbles, jade then fades
to bronze and copper, 'til next year.
As cooling breezes murmur, shades
of autumn slowly disappear.


Her beauty dims -- she softly casts
each crinkled veil to clothe the ground.  
A crunchy carpet spread, contrasts
with soil that scarcely yields a sound.
The dance continues `til she’s bare,
her outline stark against the skies;
without the warmth of clothes to wear,
the Winter’s winds will chill her thighs.


A sable body’s proudly posed;
as feet stand firm against the storm.
Her waving arms remain exposed
`til Spring’s embrace shall make her warm.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The faded veils of time now sway
from verdant tints to rusty hues,
as Summer’s samba dies away
and Autumn twirls in ballet shoes.

Her rustling russet skirts aswirl
to merge with vivid tangerine,
as crimson belts of berries curl
like scarlet sequins in between.

Where topaz tumbles, jade now fades
away to amber, 'til the spring.
When gentle breezes whisper, shades
of Autumn beauty softly sing.

As music dies, she slowly casts
each crinkled veil to earthy ground.
A crunchy carpet now contrasts
with soil that scarcely yields a sound.

The dance continues 'til she’s bare,
her outline stark against clear skies.
No warming garments now to wear,
so Winter's winds will chill her thighs.

Her sable body proudly posed
while feet stand firm against the storm
Her outstretched arms are now exposed
till Spring returns to keep her warm.




Tints of Time  ( original)


The faded veils of  time now sway
from verdant tints to rusty hues
as summer’s samba dies away
and autumn twirls in ballet shoes

Her rustling russet skirts will swirl
to merge with vivid tangerine,
while crimson belts of berries curl
like scarlet sequins in between.

As topaz tumbles, jade then fades
away to amber, till the spring.
The softest breezes blow thro’ shades
of beauty and begin to sing.

As music fades, she slowly casts
each crinkled veil to earthy ground.
A cluttered carpet now contrasts
against the softened soil around.

The dance continues till she’s bare,
her outline stark against clear skies.
No gorgeous garments will she wear,
so wintry winds will chill her thighs.

Her sable body poses proud,
while feet stand firm against the storm;
her arms outstretched towards cool cloud,
till Spring returns to keep her warm.

[Eisa]

This is a lovely dance of leafy veils.
Autumn is a great inspirerer.  
Your meter is very good.
You've used a form of 'fade' three times
in this poem.  Perhaps 'fade' should
be part of the title.
This was an utmost pleasure to read.
Lovely poem.

You have given me a good idea here and I think I shall call this either `The music Fades' or `Fading Time'. What do you think?




The faded veils of  time now sway
from verdant tints to rusty hues
as summer’s samba dies away
and autumn twirls in ballet shoes***very lithe stanza

Her rustling russet skirts will swirl
to merge with vivid tangerine,
while crimson belts of berries curl
like scarlet sequins in between.***this is upbeat and lovely

As topaz tumbles, jade then fades
away to amber, till the spring.
The softest breezes blow thro’ shades***thro'? why not through or thru
of beauty and begin to sing.

I felt `through' made the line a bit long. I didn't think of spelling it `thru'...good idea

As music fades, she slowly casts
each crinkled veil to earthy ground.
A cluttered carpet now contrasts
against the softened soil around.***this rhyme seems contrive - could just be me

Mmm... I think perhaps I could make that a bit different...thanks

The dance continues till she’s bare,
her outline stark against clear skies.
No gorgeous garments will she wear,***I don't care for gorgeous - then again it could be personal bias.
so wintry winds will chill her thighs.

Yes, I have given this some thought and really I should give some indication of the garments being warm, as now she is chilled

Her sable body poses proud,***beautiful line imo
while feet stand firm against the storm;
her arms outstretched towards cool cloud,***the omission of an article stands out - prefer 'clouds'
Quite right
till Spring returns to keep her warm.

Hi Michelle

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. They have been an inspiration

I will post a revision soon

Eisa