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> Tanka, 5-7-5-7-7 [or less]
JustDaniel
post Sep 15 06, 11:23
Post #1


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Posts: 19,222
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Note: I'd thought there had been a post on this form earlier, but I could not locate it. If I'm incorrect, please let me know.

Tanka is a Japanese form of poetry of 31 onji; the closest we Americans come to that is to think in terms of 31 syllables. The lines are generally 5,7,5,7,7 syllables in length -- or preferably less -- short-long-short-long-long.

I'm told that the earlier tanka shifted rhythm after the 12th onji; the more modern ones de-emphasize the location of shift or switch after the 17th.

At any rate, here are some of my own attempts, for whatever they may be worth:


Stumbling

Stumbling into growth
may be bloody painful stuff,
but scars remind me
this vulnerability
opens my heart to loving.

© MLee Dickens'son 05 July 2002



Jesus’ Earthy Dad


kept her a virgin
miraculous conception
of Mary’s Joseph
whose union was further blessed:
four sons and unnamed daughters

© MLee Dickens'son12 Dec 2003

- Matthew 1:25; Mark 6:3



annuals vs. perennial


‘lovers’ seek to come
seasoned and with wild bouquet
pretending to root;
a love is but one… who blooms
when planted in nurtured ground

© MLee Dickens'son 18 Dec 2003


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Larry
post Dec 12 19, 00:02
Post #2


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Posts: 11,557
Joined: 15-June 07
From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



you can’t walk in springs
without getting your feet wet
and oozing mud clings
until dried, then it will set
and you’ll have feet of clay yet.


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Posts in this topic
- JustDaniel   Tanka   Sep 15 06, 11:23
- - JustDaniel   Lori... since you've asked about Tanka (and I...   Oct 4 09, 23:49
- - JustDaniel   boundaries many a kiss becomes a wake-up slap bou...   Jan 25 12, 11:15
- - JustDaniel   re-membered remember: days when you ran with the ...   Apr 11 12, 07:50
- - Alan   I can't like your knees gnarled and knobbly un...   Apr 11 12, 08:34
|- - JustDaniel   QUOTE (Alan @ Apr 11 12, 09:34 ) I can...   Apr 11 12, 09:13
- - Larry   Standing among stumps where a forest once florishe...   Apr 11 12, 08:58
- - Larry   Pictures are painted depicting what artists see or...   Apr 13 12, 14:59
- - JustDaniel   a yellow splash on an indigo canvas... epiphany a ...   Apr 18 12, 15:09
- - JustDaniel   A Current Scene Look at your King... shall I cruc...   Mar 10 13, 19:55
- - Larry   Hi Daniel, Timely and nicely done! I'll ...   Mar 11 13, 09:34
- - JustDaniel   Thanks, Larry. I tried to utilize an old story to...   Mar 11 13, 10:44
- - Larry   in de finite life multitudes hide coats in moth-p...   Mar 11 13, 11:46
- - JustDaniel   since dogwood decayed he constructed a cathouse; g...   Mar 11 13, 14:00
- - JustDaniel   fulfilled prophecy lots cast for his clothes, ...   Mar 18 13, 08:48
- - JustDaniel   three weeks later I'm still here in rehab to h...   Dec 15 18, 14:24
- - Larry   Christmas time is near but people seem to forget t...   Dec 17 18, 16:08
- - JustDaniel   star studded at top of the football team's ros...   Dec 22 18, 20:54
- - Larry   get a quarter back when you’re buying a new car an...   Dec 24 18, 23:29
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- - JustDaniel   funzalo won't sit well with a neighborhood loa...   Jan 16 19, 15:58
- - Larry   you would keep your hands to yourself in crowded b...   Jan 17 19, 23:38
- - JustDaniel   shooting the swallows frowned on in Capistrano Goy...   Jan 21 19, 15:45
- - Larry   march on the 19th and you are two days early for M...   Jan 22 19, 23:03
- - JustDaniel   on Sunday you wrest strange verses from your Bible...   Feb 1 19, 09:10
- - Larry   just a pompous ass is not very descriptive for Con...   Feb 1 19, 22:50
- - JustDaniel   yes, the bray-zen bunch seem to all be jackasses a...   Feb 4 19, 08:52
- - Larry   Their large derrieres are covered with big pockets...   Feb 5 19, 10:39
- - JustDaniel   interested gropes are frowned upon by women; enhan...   Feb 13 19, 15:51
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- - Larry   packed in their tight suits, female stars flaunt e...   Feb 17 19, 23:13
- - JustDaniel   I'll be caressing without any confessing ...   Feb 18 19, 09:41
- - Larry   any strife will stir pain or anger will occur and ...   Feb 18 19, 20:03
- - JustDaniel   when you are speaking if you rope in your vowels y...   Feb 21 19, 16:10
- - Larry   vocalize all night if you are a coyote with the mo...   Feb 23 19, 16:01
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- - Larry   before you are out from swinging bats through the ...   Feb 27 19, 16:08
- - JustDaniel   ball with no cover and everyone will see you do it...   Feb 27 19, 23:58
- - Larry   her privacy gives sufficient time to enjoy the res...   Feb 28 19, 22:38
- - JustDaniel   old age might annoy Lori so she doesn't look d...   Mar 1 19, 10:33
- - Larry   oozes on the page are unctuous platitudes which ma...   Mar 3 19, 14:56
- - JustDaniel   having gratitude is the surest way to peace the wo...   Mar 4 19, 18:16
- - Larry   lost all their marbles when the ruling was announc...   Mar 5 19, 18:01
- - JustDaniel   he said heads would roll and Old MacDonald proved ...   Mar 6 19, 00:39
- - Larry   because it will hold pomade is good for the hair a...   Mar 6 19, 23:11
- - JustDaniel   I don't have enough that would ever make it li...   Mar 7 19, 15:07
- - Larry   that I did not shave is what I hear from my wife ‘...   Mar 10 19, 11:22
- - JustDaniel   I guess that my life is not so complicated my wife...   Mar 15 19, 14:44
- - Larry   it makes me bristle when I walk through the tall g...   Mar 17 19, 16:52
- - JustDaniel   lawnmower needs gas back yard looks like a wheat f...   Mar 18 19, 15:52
- - Larry   head of the owner is now shining and sunburned and...   Mar 21 19, 08:08
- - Larry   now he has learned “but” should not be found at th...   Apr 11 19, 22:12
- - JustDaniel   send an afterthought some time after digesting get...   May 27 19, 06:52
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- - Larry   clean the pool filter after the dog swims around; ...   Jun 4 19, 14:15
- - JustDaniel   scat all over ground where the dog took morning wa...   Jun 7 19, 10:55
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- - Larry   policemen checked her on the lighted street corner...   Jul 12 19, 21:51
- - JustDaniel   John caught joinin' 'er ended up in the ho...   Aug 19 19, 14:03
- - Larry   out of the oven for the miner infraction of diggin...   Aug 20 19, 12:42
- - JustDaniel   a large infection found him scratching genitals; h...   Aug 20 19, 21:00
- - Larry   expected bargain when shopping for what’s offered ...   Aug 24 19, 22:36
- - JustDaniel   believe a coffin will never hold your body? need a...   Aug 30 19, 12:41
- - Larry   view that you will die because it happens to all e...   Sep 2 19, 15:07
- - JustDaniel   available gall is shouted in the mean streets gull...   Sep 2 19, 18:10
- - Larry   To adversaries, I would suggest you make peace for...   Sep 12 19, 10:34
- - JustDaniel   will rivalries cease? will the Hatfields and McCoy...   Sep 12 19, 16:49
- - Larry   their line finds a trace of reasoning for the feud...   Sep 19 19, 13:09
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- - Larry   Feud emerged screaming from the peace which used t...   Oct 11 19, 14:40
- - JustDaniel   unfeigned hatred eliminates guesswork look down th...   Oct 14 19, 07:38
- - Larry   collect from your roof all of the branches and lea...   Nov 13 19, 14:40
- - JustDaniel   in long winter, heave all the snow off your sidewa...   Nov 19 19, 05:25
- - JustDaniel   you'll have feet of clay if you pretend to be ...   Dec 12 19, 04:01
|- - Psyche   QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Dec 12 19, 06:01 ) yo...   Dec 26 19, 11:12
- - JustDaniel   Great to see you visiting in Karnak, Sylvia! ...   Dec 27 19, 23:42
- - Larry   Interspersed with twigs is what's left of my g...   Jul 16 22, 15:31
- - JustDaniel   Your line four is a syllable short for the typical...   Aug 8 22, 08:08
- - Larry   A hunting license requires some prerequisites; the...   Aug 9 22, 18:59
- - JustDaniel   Havin' pain ain't fun nor is an amputation...   Aug 9 22, 23:57
- - Larry   Right leg gets cut off which is a drastic measure ...   Aug 10 22, 17:49
- - JustDaniel   minding our treasure could devolve into hoarding i...   Aug 11 22, 10:04
- - Larry   I haven’t found it because memory’s hazy so I’ll j...   Aug 12 22, 15:51
- - JustDaniel   Ah, a rhyming tanka! Great job, Larry... an...   Aug 12 22, 20:20
- - Larry   Daniel, I had to pause for a while because your Ta...   Aug 13 22, 08:31
- - JustDaniel   she's surely not miffed for it's being use...   Aug 13 22, 12:12
- - Larry   Service now and then is where I should be going fo...   Aug 14 22, 11:03
- - JustDaniel   He bestows blessing even when we're not lookin...   Aug 14 22, 12:42
- - Larry   Looks like it is rhyme time in Tanka town! T...   Aug 14 22, 17:43
- - JustDaniel   chancy on the lake if you don't wear a life ve...   Aug 14 22, 17:56
- - Larry   A funeral fest is normally called a wake but I los...   Aug 14 22, 19:29
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