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> self-reflective senryu series, *** Critique welcome!
JustDaniel
post Jan 21 18, 13:24
Post #1


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Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



self-reflective senryu series

What does my life show?
Is Truth I'm set apart to
communicated?

My Home is elsewhere;
does that show in what I do
and things I cling to?

Do my actions speak?
show that God, who surrounds me,
is completely Good?

Do I manifest
God's providential greatness?
My trust in Him clear?

Can my fear of Him
be seen in the ways I act?
His Word outweighs mine.

Is God's Grace to me
obvious in life's courtroom?
My striving falls short.

© MLeeDickens'son 2018
during sermon challenge


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Larry
post Jan 23 18, 18:54
Post #2


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From: Springfield, Louisiana
Member No.: 446
Real Name: Larry D. Jennings
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi Daniel,

Glad my crits didn't cause you to get mad at me. I do see the irony of my suggestion in the first Senryu;
although the truth was communicated, it wasn't grammatical. If you have a truth to communicate, it probably doesn't matter as long as the recipient understands the underlying message.

I did enjoy your string!

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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