 I'll See You in My Dreams ** |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse
 Jul 3 17, 17:35
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
I'll See You in My Dreams
When trees darken against the sky, she sometimes drifts through a chink in my dream wall, as if she had never slipped away. The memory ogre that nibbled away at her life – and mine - has vanished. She appears ageless, salt and pepper curls flicked back from slender forehead. I’m caressed by the lilt of her Welsh timbre, that transports me back to childhood, when we played eyelash butterflies and she sang Calon Lan to soothe me. Awake, melancholy ripples over me, for she has slithered back through the brickwork again. Yet her aura lingers through the day calming storms that drench me. ---------------------------------------------- Line1 was When trees blacken L9/10 was Welsh twang ·······  ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
  
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Jul 24 17, 23:46
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 9,082 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Eira,
Dropped in for a few minutes and saw this lovely, nostalgic poem of yours. It really strikes me in several ways, reminding me of losses of loved ones. Nothing to critique at all, except perhaps the word "twang". Just me, I'm sure, but it sounds out of place in your poem. Maybe "accent", "timbre", "tone", "intonation". Just saying, take or toss! Hugs, Syl*** 
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The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner      |
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Jul 28 17, 16:59
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Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
QUOTE (Psyche @ Jul 25 17, 05:46 )  Hi Eira, Dropped in for a few minutes and saw this lovely, nostalgic poem of yours. It really strikes me in several ways, reminding me of losses of loved ones. Nothing to critique at all, except perhaps the word "twang". Just me, I'm sure, but it sounds out of place in your poem. Maybe "accent", "timbre", "tone", "intonation". Just saying, take or toss! Hugs, Syl*** Hi Syl - good to hear from you. Yes, I agree about the word 'twang' It is a word my mother used, but as you say it doesn't really fit with the rest of the poem. I'll change it. Thanks Hugs Eira ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner |
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Posts in this topic
Eisa I'll See You in My Dreams ** Jul 3 17, 17:35 
RC James Eira - Very beautiful - I especially like the last... Jul 4 17, 02:31 
Eisa QUOTE (RC James @ Jul 4 17, 08:31 ) Eira ... Jul 4 17, 16:48 Ali zonak Hi Eira;
yes those early memories live on; one jus... Jul 4 17, 07:23 Eisa QUOTE (Ali zonak @ Jul 4 17, 13:23 ) Hi E... Jul 4 17, 16:56 greenwich Very descriptive and well recalled dedication to s... Jul 4 17, 09:53 Eisa QUOTE (greenwich @ Jul 4 17, 15:53 ) Very... Jul 4 17, 16:58 greenwich Absolutely beautiful. The imagery and flow are pe... Jul 6 17, 15:44 Eisa QUOTE (greenwich @ Jul 6 17, 21:44 ) Abso... Jul 28 17, 16:52 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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