 Separation (III) |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse
 Nov 12 15, 22:25
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 Nomad  Posts: 6 Joined: 7-November 15 Member No.: 5,289 Real Name: Adam Hughes Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Eira  |
Tonight my prayers
are a house built with the bones of birds. Tonight the stars roar their gravity somewhere beyond our ears. Tonight the wind is louder than God has ever been. I never see the dew fall but every new sunrise my feet are wet. |
  
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Nov 16 15, 18:46
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
I'm back to have another look at this. It is truly beautifully written.
To tighten up you could leave out some words - suggestions in brackets Tonight my prayers are a house built with [the] bones of birds. Tonight [the] stars roar their gravity somewhere beyond our ears. Tonight [the] wind is louder than God has ever been. I never see [the] dew fall but every new sunrise my feet are wet. Deep & powerful. Enjoyed! Eira ·······  ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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Posts in this topic
Adhamh MacAodh Separation (III) Nov 12 15, 22:25 
K.S. Lenk I read this poem before you edited it.
I miss the ... Nov 13 15, 13:26 Adhamh MacAodh Hi Krista, good to see you here. I think you'r... Nov 13 15, 13:38 K.S. Lenk I always enjoy your work.
This poem captures, rat... Nov 13 15, 18:37 Eisa Tonight my prayers
are a house built
with the bone... Nov 15 15, 19:02 
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