Kisses from the Hearth, Sonnet from another site's pictorial challenge Options

[Larry]

I belong to a few poetry sites and saw a pictorial challenge of an animated fireplace (much too late to participate).
One couldn't mention fire or flame in the poem/prose answer but the muse hit me and this is what I got from the challenge:

First Revision - Thanks Lori


Kisses from The Hearth

Awakening with just a breath of air,
her resurrection from a dreamless sleep
is slow and subtle. Arms reach out to share
a warm embrace which, hopefully, will keep
you near her crimson lips. Soft amber eyes
will tease you with a quick flirtatious wink,
then fluttering they strive to hypnotize.
That sinuous ballet will make you think
of some exotic dancer from the east...
a cunning ploy devised to lure you near.
She’s nothing but a monster and a beast
you feed or cage because of primal fear.
Those fleeting visions fade within your head;
for titillating tongues will leave you dead.



L7 did read: Curvaceous dance, with limbs that make you think
L9: Changed "goddess" to "dancer"
L10 did read: is nothing but a ploy to lure you near.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Larry,

How are you? I always enjoy reading your poetry and your title selections definitely draw me in!
Oh, I love the ending - not what I expected! There are just few lines I noted for your review below.

Curvaceous dance, with limbs that make you think --> I wonder if you'd consider a replacement for the word limbs? Perhaps moves?
of some exotic goddess from the east,
is nothing but a ploy to lure you near. --> I wonder if there is a sub for the words 'is' and 'nothing (since using it again later)'? Maybe 'It's only just a ploy to lure you near'?

She’s nothing but a monster and a beast
you feed or cage because of primal fear.
Nice!!!!

Enjoyed the read Larry!

Cheers,
~Cleo