 Wanderlust **, an Alternating Sonnet |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies
 Jul 19 14, 10:13
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep  |
Wanderlust
She greets the morn' with tantalizing grace and flits along an unsuspecting breeze. Her wonderland awaits. Moments she'd freeze if only she could find her long-lost place. Among a floral canvas, splendor calls where boundaries are scaled. No longer walls preclude her progress; winsome turns she'll drift! Entwined within bright blooms, she hides her face and dines on woodland's nectar. She's a tease! Companions of the glen can never seize her boundless will. Yet, always there's a trace . . . And when her time has come to pass, we'll see true loveliness preserved: Perception's gift and wonder if somehow, she could be me. Copyright © Lorraine M Kanter 15 July 2014 ·······  ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
  
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Aug 5 14, 02:28
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 Babylonian  Posts: 62 Joined: 30-September 13 Member No.: 5,188 Real Name: Keith Logan Writer of: Poetry |
Hi Lorri,
as usual, I enjoy your writing and find it alien enough to my own style to feel inept as a critiquer. As you seem to be unhappy with line three I'll stick to that. How about dropping "she'd" and simply putting "a" before "moments?" Whatever, I like it as is. Keith the happy chappy |
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Aug 10 14, 14:38
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Mosaic Master Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Why hello Keith!
 Hahaha - I find my writing alien to others' sometimes too!  Glad you enjoyed the trip!  Oh thank you for enjoying this one! I consider every critique, no matter how small, so please do come back again and revisit! QUOTE As you seem to be unhappy with line three I'll stick to that. How about dropping "she'd" and simply putting "a" before "moments?" Whatever, I like it as is. Hmmm, that would still not fix the iamb there I'm afraid. Moments is just not the right word, although it is what I was thinking at the time. I will ponder this further and appreciate everyone's suggestions. Thanks again and cheers! ~Cleo  ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner |
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Posts in this topic
Cleo_Serapis Wanderlust ** Jul 19 14, 10:13 
jerryk Hi Lori,
now let's see who the mysterious ... Jul 19 14, 17:27 
Cleo_Serapis QUOTE (jerryk @ Jul 19 14, 18:27 ) Hi Lor... Jul 21 14, 07:27 Thoth Mmh . . .who is this minuscule ethereal spirit? I ... Jul 20 14, 01:32 Cleo_Serapis QUOTE (Thoth @ Jul 20 14, 02:32 ) Mmh . .... Jul 21 14, 07:35 Psyche Hi Lori!
What delicately inspiring lines i... Aug 1 14, 23:18 Cleo_Serapis Why hello Sylvia and thanks for dropping into my ... Aug 10 14, 14:33 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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