 Signs ***, Self pity, in answer to Jerry's cheerfulness! |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies
 May 2 14, 00:52
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 10,025 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting  |
Signs When we were brash of heart and full of play, embracing by the lake, svelte swans glided close to shore. Sensual scenes confided in earthy words, with kinky toys held sway - Myth’s lovers shrugged off portents of bleak fate: Leda’s raunchy trysts with Swan’s beak untrue! We missed the relished lane that leads anew to fancied nuptial chains we claimed could wait. Today I brawl beside the loathsome lake and trace a humbled heart with bloodstone dew on mirrored heavens… - entranced, hope renews, but drifts embodied in the knave swans’ wake. Old sylphine chants inform my soul that you in faith will not reverse my contrite state. By Psyche Copyright: Sylvia Evelyn, Bariloche, Argentina, 2014. www.commons.wikimedia.org File:Copy of 'Leda and the Swan', Leonardo da Vinci.
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The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
  
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Jun 17 14, 07:55
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 Laureate Legionnaire  Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
Hi Syl
How wonderful that you wrote a Sonnet! And a beautiful one too. See you can do the form stuff if you choose to. I'm not going to crit as I think Jerry has already done a fine job and I mostly agree with his comments. Suffice it to say it reads grandly and is steeped in sufficient shrouded metaphore to satisfy a king. Well done and lets see some more from that stable. Huz Wal ······· ······· |
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Jun 25 14, 23:37
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 10,025 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Wally! I'm back...I think! Thanks for your encouraging words. I do my best, but not sure whether I get the flow smoothly. "Satisfy a king"...don't kid me, Wally, it's more likely that a king would behead me on the spot! But well, there are no kings around here to test. Yes, Jerry has given me/us a load of info. I have some of my own to add, mostly concerning the fact that sonnets can vary a great deal regarding form. I have before me "Sonnets from the Portuguese, and Other Love Poems", by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. None of her sonnets are separated into quatrains, nor do they have a final rhyming couplet, set apart, to round off her theme. And more importantly, her rhyming pattern appears to be ABBA in the first octet, then CDCDCD in the sextet (though she doesn't separate her lines anywhere). Oh my, difficult to explain, should leave a link to make it clear. So I'll probably push up my last couple of lines, which actually rhyme the way I've just described. Just a thought... Wal, I believe anything new, for now, will be in FV, sorry. That's all this stable can provide.  Hugz, Syl*** QUOTE (Thoth @ Jun 17 14, 10:55 )  Hi Syl How wonderful that you wrote a Sonnet! And a beautiful one too. See you can do the form stuff if you choose to. I'm not going to crit as I think Jerry has already done a fine job and I mostly agree with his comments. Suffice it to say it reads grandly and is steeped in sufficient shrouded metaphore to satisfy a king. Well done and lets see some more from that stable. Huz Wal ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner |
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Posts in this topic
Psyche Signs *** May 2 14, 00:52 
jerryk QUOTE (Psyche @ May 1 14, 22:52 )
Signs ... May 3 14, 08:05 
Psyche Hi Jerry!
Thanks so much for visiting and comm... May 4 14, 00:19 jerryk Hi Sylvia;
I'll need to return to your poem in... May 4 14, 09:04 Psyche Hi Jerry!
I'm trying to catch up on commen... Jun 25 14, 23:07 jerryk Hi again, Sylvia;
I have dabbled in the 3 major so... May 4 14, 13:26 Eisa Hi Syl
How lovely to read a sonnet from you - I h... May 5 14, 17:04 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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