Sonnet (with suggested revision), Happy Thoughts Options

[jerryk]

Revised Sonnet to Happy Thoughts

At times, when fair poetic winds do fail
And leave me in the doldrums latitude
Without a breeze to fill a sonnet’s sail,
I simply save my sinking attitude
By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And so I write,
But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes too trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.
Of joyful things I’d rather write to you.
Let songs of cheerful spring and summertime
Replace the wintry owls’ “Tu-whit, tu-who”—
(I robbed “Love’s Labour’s Lost” to suit this rhyme).
When gladness fills a poet’s heart, I'll share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

Sonnet to Happy Thoughts ** original

At times, when fair poetic winds do fail
And leave me in the doldrums latitude
Without a breeze to fill a sonnet’s sail,
I simply save my sinking attitude
By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And then I write,
But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes so trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.
Of joyful things I’d rather write to you.
Let songs of cheerful spring and summertime
Replace the wintry owls’ “Tu-whit, tu-who”—
(I robbed “Love’s Labour’s Lost” to suit this rhyme).
When gladness fills a poet’s heart, then share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

[Thoth]

So true indeed!

But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes too trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.

I applaud these lines!! and spoken in classic voice too with a touch (nay a good dollop) of sarcasm.

It becomes progressively more difficult for the modern poet to create anything really fresh so even good writers are accused of being cliche. That where the great masters excelled, they invented most of the language we accept today which really shows it is up to poets to push the envelop and keep our language moving forward.

The odd dodgy rhyme or slip in metre may or may be explained away but considering they had none of the benefits we enjoy today like computers and internet, their work is remarkable.


Keep em commin!

Cheers,

Wal

[jerryk]

So true indeed!

But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes too trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.

I applaud these lines!! and spoken in classic voice too with a touch (nay a good dollop) of sarcasm.

It becomes progressively more difficult for the modern poet to create anything really fresh so even good writers are accused of being cliche. That where the great masters excelled, they invented most of the language we accept today which really shows it is up to poets to push the envelop and keep our language moving forward.

The odd dodgy rhyme or slip in metre may or may be explained away but considering they had none of the benefits we enjoy today like computers and internet, their work is remarkable.


Keep em commin!

Cheers,

Wal

Hi Walter,
and thanks for your insightful comment. It's good to know that one isn't that lone man on an island surrounded by nothing but endless waves of meaningless laundry lists, vague metaphors, and other recipes that nowadays are called poetry.

I find that poetry should be attractive and readable when viewed by the layperson, meaning not just for fellow poets but the person who reads for pure enjoyment. And that is why my own style is closer to that of 19 Century poets; my poems express complete thoughts, rather than obscure fragments of notions that the reader is expected to develop in the mind. One poetry instructor told me that my verses read too much like "newspaper snippets," but I feel that what's been good enough for the old masters should be good enough for me. As far as I'm concerned, I prefer to adhere to the old school. I just quit another site that featured poets who presented the most discombobulated stuff that would lead to guesswork on part of anyone that might care to comment.
Now totally confused, I might just as well write for personal enjoyment--or withdraw from writing poetry (that will be the day!)
I am, however, grateful for your appreciation of my effort and shall continue to contribute to this site. Thank you Wal, and please, ignore my ranting and raving. It's been a bad morning, lol.
Jerry