Sonnet (with suggested revision), Happy Thoughts Options

[jerryk]

Revised Sonnet to Happy Thoughts

At times, when fair poetic winds do fail
And leave me in the doldrums latitude
Without a breeze to fill a sonnet’s sail,
I simply save my sinking attitude
By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And so I write,
But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes too trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.
Of joyful things I’d rather write to you.
Let songs of cheerful spring and summertime
Replace the wintry owls’ “Tu-whit, tu-who”—
(I robbed “Love’s Labour’s Lost” to suit this rhyme).
When gladness fills a poet’s heart, I'll share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

Sonnet to Happy Thoughts ** original

At times, when fair poetic winds do fail
And leave me in the doldrums latitude
Without a breeze to fill a sonnet’s sail,
I simply save my sinking attitude
By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And then I write,
But still abstain from lines much brayed by mules
That whine about past loves, and themes so trite,
Their overuse has dulled these once sharp tools.
Of joyful things I’d rather write to you.
Let songs of cheerful spring and summertime
Replace the wintry owls’ “Tu-whit, tu-who”—
(I robbed “Love’s Labour’s Lost” to suit this rhyme).
When gladness fills a poet’s heart, then share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Jerry,

What a lovely sonnet to happy thoughts indeed!

I only have a few little nits to share for you to T & T as you wish.

I am not used to seeing sonnets as one long stanza, but it's not to say anything should be edited. Usually, I see them in a group of 8 lines (the octave) followed by a group of 6 lines (the sestet), OR in a common English form of 3 quatrains followed by a couplet. The closing couplet always summarizes the poem and I do like yours here. YES, please DO share your poet's heart!

By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And then I write,

Maybe in this line I would change to 'And so I write'.

That whine about past loves, and themes so trite,

Maybe change this line to 'or themes too trite'.

When gladness fills a poet’s heart, then share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

My only suggestion for the couplet is to perhaps change the word 'then' to 'I'll".

Enjoyed the read!
~Cleo

[jerryk]

Hi Jerry,

What a lovely sonnet to happy thoughts indeed!

I only have a few little nits to share for you to T & T as you wish.

I am not used to seeing sonnets as one long stanza, but it's not to say anything should be edited. Usually, I see them in a group of 8 lines (the octave) followed by a group of 6 lines (the sestet), OR in a common English form of 3 quatrains followed by a couplet. The closing couplet always summarizes the poem and I do like yours here. YES, please DO share your poet's heart!

By taking Shakespeare’s quill. And then I write,

Maybe in this line I would change to 'And so I write'.

That whine about past loves, and themes so trite,

Maybe change this line to 'or themes too trite'.

When gladness fills a poet’s heart, then share;
Self-pity falls on ears that do not care.

My only suggestion for the couplet is to perhaps change the word 'then' to 'I'll".

Enjoyed the read!
~Cleo

Hi Cleo;
thanks for reading and commenting on my happy thoughts. Yeah, these "little songs" do require some thought and there's always something that I find awkward in many of my sonnets. I appreciate your suggestions and will make minor changes. Happy 1st day of summer. Thanks again, and my best to you,
Jerry