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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse
 Oct 19 13, 23:58
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 10,013 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting  |
 I love you in your ludicrous underwear, diapers and socks notwithstanding; half-moon specs awry on the tip of your nose, add just the right touch to that bib with blue bears in rows. I love your mortal guise -or the Prince in a Beast’s disguise- and wince with compassion for my elderly nurseling. Perhaps each Rose that turned to gall blossomed from a paradox of parts. Crimson petals ....... soft as Indian silk ..............fade .....................and dart away… Beauty also unrobed the Beast. The charm was broken and a handsome Prince stood before her. Except, you’re a clumsy prince ....... who subsists ..............only .....................in my desolate heart. © Sylvia Evelyn, Buenos Aires, Argentina. 2013 Note: Changed lonesome to desolate in last line. ·······  ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
  
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Jun 5 14, 08:59
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 Egyptian  Posts: 369 Joined: 10-May 11 From: Outskirts of Sonoran Desert Member No.: 4,480 Real Name: JerryK Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
QUOTE (Psyche @ Oct 19 13, 21:58 )  I love you in your ludicrous underwear, diapers and socks notwithstanding; half-moon specs awry on the tip of your nose, add just the right touch to that bib with blue bears in rows. I love your mortal guise -or the Prince in a Beast’s disguise- and wince with compassion for my elderly nurseling. Perhaps each Rose that turned to gall blossomed from a paradox of parts. Crimson petals ....... soft as Indian silk ..............fade .....................and dart away… Beauty also unrobed the Beast. The charm was broken and a handsome Prince stood before her. Except, you’re a clumsy prince ....... who subsists ..............only .....................in my desolate heart. © Sylvia Evelyn, Buenos Aires, Argentina. 2013 Note: Changed lonesome to desolate in last line. Hi there, Sylvia; I like your tender poem, one that speaks of unconditional love for your spouse. Since you already received many comments, I would find it redundant to suggest different word choices. As poets, most of us draw from our own inherent vocabulary; if we didn't, then our poems would no longer be unique but resemble commercial gingerbread men. Let me comment on "format" only. In general, my personal preference would be to refrain from choppy cut-off lines. Although contemporary poets have made much use of them, they don't always work out to my own satisfaction. I find those pauses disruptive and therefore prefer the block form that still allows for varying lengths of lines. Only my opinion, and you know how cheap opinions can be. Take care; I hope all's well at home? Best to you,  Jerry |
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Posts in this topic
Psyche Prince in Disguise Oct 19 13, 23:58 
saore QUOTE Perhaps
each Rose that turned to gall
blos... Oct 20 13, 10:36 
Psyche Thank you very much, Sergio, for your encouraging ... Oct 27 13, 01:22 Eisa A tremendously moving poem, Syl, which stirred up ... Oct 22 13, 17:13 Psyche Thank you, Eisa. I think I was feeling emotional a... Oct 27 13, 01:38 Cleo_Serapis Hi Sylvia,
A moving poem with just the right touc... Oct 27 13, 09:40 Psyche Thank you so much, Lori, for the nom. I don't ... Oct 28 13, 00:04 Cleo_Serapis Hi Sylvia,
YAY! Glad you approve the nod... Oct 28 13, 05:44 saore The more I read this one the more it draws me in. ... Oct 27 13, 15:14 Psyche Thanks again, Sergio. You lift my spirits.
I love... Oct 28 13, 00:06 Eisa Hi Syl
I am so pleased this has been nominated. I... Oct 28 13, 18:02 Psyche Thanks so much, Lori and Eisa, for your help!
... Oct 30 13, 02:27 Cleo_Serapis Hi Syl,
I won't send it in with the dots. I p... Oct 30 13, 06:22 Larry Hi Syl,
Don't get over here much but I'm ... Oct 30 13, 13:14 Psyche Hi Larry,
I'm delighted that you came over to ... Nov 3 13, 01:00 Cleo_Serapis Oh good catch Larry. Syl asked me to add that chan... Nov 1 13, 06:15 Sekhmet Dear Syl, - I came late to this feast of a poem -... Feb 23 14, 14:28 Psyche Oh my, Leo, true love is a wonderful thing, but ho... Feb 26 14, 16:43 Eisa Hi Syl,
I came back to have another read of this ... Feb 26 14, 18:18 Psyche Thank you, Eira, for your good vibes, sent so long... Jun 4 14, 23:42 Psyche Hi Jerry!
It seems I missed this comment from... Jul 6 14, 23:31 Eisa Wow! Syl - Snow! Were just coming into sum... Jun 6 14, 14:59 Psyche Yes, it's strange now that I've moved furt... Jul 6 14, 23:09 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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