Bliss ***, The Coming of Spring Options

[jeannefiedler]

The birth of spring
a renaissance of new life
patterns beginning again
as intoxicating scents
of blossoms and greenery or
a soft tear of a raindrop on a petal

We slow down and let our relaxation
spin us around a little
carefree and innocent
childlike - we discover anew
the water adrift - our bodies serene
We are full of creativity
and dream of romance

Songs of the breeze
a white cottage where
our spirits reside
We relive this vibration
year after year
each time a fresh new outlook
where dew leaves its impression
on our minds
- a new start -
the beginning of a new adventure

[Eisa]

Hi Jeanne, I love seasonal poems and as it is spring here in UK this one made me smile.

I feel you have a few too many 'the's' especially starting lines - especially in the first stanza. I have offered one alternative.

I also feel your poem could be divided quite nicely into a few shorter stanzas rather than one long one.

The birth of spring -
[the] a rennaisance of new life
[the pattern beginning] begins the pattern again
The intoxicating scent
of blossoms and greenery
the soft tear of a raindrop on a petal
Sp rennaissance

We slow down and let [our] relaxation
spin us aroun[g]d a little
carefree and innocent
childlike - we discover anew
the water adrift - our bodies serene
L1 perhaps delete 'our' - sp.. in L2

We are full of creativity
and dream of romance
the song of the breeze
the white cottage where
our spirits reside

We relive this vibration
year after year
each time a fresh new outlook
the dew leaves its impression
on our minds
- a new start -
the beginning of a new adventure

I think the last stanza is my favourite.
Snow