 O weeping muse - new title - Madness |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse
 Jun 4 13, 13:09
Post
#1
|
|
 Egyptian  Posts: 327 Joined: 17-May 08 From: San Juan Puerto Rico Member No.: 508 Real Name: Sergio Ortiz Writer of: Poetry  |
revision #2 thanks to Sylvia and Snow.
 O weeping muse Weeping muse... you make me fall into a thick misty river, the tundra where my poems gather. Madness enters on the wind, the jolt of a wild animal thrashing from a spasm, its eyes seek mine in despair. O my first dead— Which winter squall carries my disordered pages, the shroud of tears we will inhabit, the gravesite where all spit their epitaphs? Revision 1 - thanks to Eisa O weeping muse you make me fall into a thick misty river; the tundra where my poems gather. …Madness enters with the wind, the jolt of a wild animal thrashing from a spasm, his eyes seek mine. O my first dead, which winter squall carries my disordered pages, the shroud of tears we will inhabit, the grave where all spit their epitaphs? Original O weeping muse you make me fall through a thick misty river; the tundra where my poems gather. …Madness enters through the wind like the jolt of a wild animal rising from a spasm. O my first dead, what winter squall carries my disordered pages, the shroud of tears we will inhabit, the grave where all spit their epitaphs? ·······  ······· |
  
|
|
 |
Replies
|
Jun 23 13, 07:42
Post
#2
|
|
 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Congrats on your IBPC nomintion, Sergio!
Should you make any further changes over the next few days, please let me know. Cheers, ~Cleo 
······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
|
|
|
Posts in this topic
saore O weeping muse - new title - Madness Jun 4 13, 13:09 
Eisa Hi Sergio
It's so good to see you at MM again... Jun 5 13, 16:46 saore Thank you Eisa. I have used your suggested revisi... Jun 5 13, 17:04 Psyche Splendid poem, Sergio. I especially like the quest... Jun 5 13, 18:40 saore Thank you Sylvia. It is good to hear from you.
... Jun 6 13, 04:15 Psyche Hi Sergio!
Great revision. May I just suggest... Jun 19 13, 00:25 saore Sylvia I have edited using your suggestions and I ... Jun 19 13, 05:34 Psyche Hi Sergio!
Love your poem! I'm off to... Jun 20 13, 18:03 saore Thank you Sylvia. I am honored.
Sergio Jun 20 13, 18:10 
Psyche I've just posted your link in the IBPC July no... Jun 20 13, 19:27 saore Thank you Sylvia, I'll be reading the IBPC sec... Jun 21 13, 11:09 saore Thank you Cleo, I will let you know if I change an... Jun 23 13, 07:44 Cleo_Serapis Hello,
Just an update: Based on an email from Dav... Jul 6 13, 12:29 galoutofdixie Wonderful poem--especially this
"O my first ... Oct 21 13, 19:59 saore Thank you Leigh Ann. Thank you.
Sergio Oct 21 13, 20:51 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
 |
|
Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 8th December 2025 - 02:12 |
Read our FLYERS - click below
|
| more Quotes |
| ||
|
|
|
|
