50 Seconds of Fame *(miniscule revision), **** Critique appreciated Options

[JustDaniel]

50 Seconds of Fame

Bang! Gary strides ahead.
Second turn, out 5 yards
Breaks for the inside,
gracefully leading the pack.

My countdown begins.
I pace nervously, dancing.

Straightaway. Jim crouches, ready
20, 10, GO! Reach back!
Uproar . . . 5 additional yards!
Switch hands, stretch, go!

Just 90 seconds now
Body-twists, deep breaths

Frank to the line
Watch the mark, 4 steps
Don’t look!
Applause, yelling . . . 6 more yards!

Sweat pants off, shirt to Gary
Breathe, stretch, relax
More dancing, hands shaking

All alone at the corner!
Ready, tension . . . he hits the mark!
Step, step, step, step, twist, grab, go.
Everyone standing . . . perfect pass.
20 yards becomes 25.
Hold on. Push . . . a rush
Fear, chills, flashes
Cheers . . . a tear?

Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch
Reach deep, stretch long.
Don’t look back!
Ignore the pain!
100 yards of corner, dig
Use momentum; accelerate.

Everything . . . no one . . . alone
sound suspended, slow motion.
Tape extended! Dig in, push, chest out . . .

Screaming! Yessss
Arms flailing, hands to my head
Coast to a staggering walk
Hugs, shouts, a victory lap together.
“3.6 seconds off Tacoma's City record!”

50 seconds of fame in 1963 . . .
now gone, yet vivid, forever.

© MLee Dickens'son


*revision: last line added ",yet vivid,"

[Maureen]

The excitement in this piece is tangible, you can almost feel the muscle burn, taste the sweat, sense the anxiety and the hype of the crowd.

I presume (please excuse me if wrong) that it is a relay/baton race you are describing, but then I wondered if perhaps it was Gridiron as you make mention of corners, but then maybe that could be baseball as well. I'm not into sport apart from our local footy so please make allowances for my ignorance.

Anyway doesn't matter what the sport was it is the feeling of the event the poem expresses and I reckon you have captured that well.

Cheers

Maureen