Just Looking** with 2nd tweak, Sonnet Options

[Larry]

Just Looking

In quiet reverie while on the beach
I watched the vestiges of day subside
through gentle swells infused with mauve and peach
as though Monet’s pastels had been applied

before that sequined shroud’s perceived embrace
obscured those gifts by dissipating hues.
Dark waves, erased of any twilight trace,
reflected stars in iridescent blues

until they bowed obeisantly in death
upon the sand. Alone, I contemplate
the wonders to be seen as ocean’s breath
guides mirrored queues to quotidian fate.

No answers or epiphanies are mete
as tide leaves bits of stardust near my feet.


S1/L4 did read:
It seemed that evening’s last sunbeams had cried

S2/L3 did read:
Dark waves, now robbed of any twilight’s trace,

S3/L1 did read:
until they bowed in obeisant death



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Just Looking

In quiet reverie while on the beach
I watched the vestiges of day subside
through gentle swells; painting them mauve and peach.
It seemed that evening’s last sunbeams had cried

before that sequined shroud’s coming embrace
obscured those gifts by dissipating hues.
Dark waves, now robbed of any twilight’s trace,
reflected stars in iridescent blues

until they bowed in obeisant death
upon the sand. Alone, I contemplate
the wonders to be seen as ocean’s breath
guides mirrored queues to quotidian fate.

No answers or epiphanies were mete
as tide left bits of stardust near my feet.






Note: quotidian, for those needing to look it up, means a common day to day occurrence.

[Larry]

Hi All,

Thanks for dropping in for a read and your comments.

Daniel, still working on your nits and crits.

Lori, glad you enjoyed the change but I have been working on the poem and have made a few more changes which I hope meet with your approval.

Liz,
It is always a delight to have you comment on my sonnets. I walk around with a "big head" and extremely inflated ego for a few days following your praise. You are more than welcome for "vestige". I've always thought it to be a wonderfully descriptive word for the "rest of" nearly anything.

John,
Thanks for the read and comments. I'm working on the mentioned "line". As far as this being Spenserian, it is not. Spenserian rhyme scheme is: abab bcbc cdcd ee. Although it is similar in format, this leans more to the Shakespearian.

I will be back as soon as I have satisfied myself with the changes I'm working on and hopefully please all who visit. I shouldn't even think that because you can never please everyone.

Larry