The Touch "small tweaks", A Sonnet Options

[Larry]

The Touch

Their soundless screams reverberate with grief
that pierces hearts for all the centuries
of fading life. While scions, stem and leaf,
lie crushed beneath their ancient weight. No breeze

shall herald new beginnings in the spring
or sculpt the emerald crowns upon each head.
Strong bastions from the storms that summer brings
are laid in waste. Small denizens have fled

their home and larder, solace now denied
by death. No songs will greet the morn’ to surge
in airy heights, where once the swallow plied.
A mournful sound, as though a quiet dirge

now permeates this devastated glade
created from the touch of soulless blade.


L10 did begin with "to all".

L9 did read: by death. No songs to greet the morn’ converge

[JustDaniel]

Hey, Larry

I simply had to visit this fine sonnet again. I like it even more than I did the first few times.

However I've thought about this section several times for what feels like some uncomfortable or confusing phrasing, and I wanted to address it for your consideration:

.... Small denizens have fled

their home and larder, solace now denied
by death. No songs to greet the morn’ converge
in airy heights, where once the swallow plied.

Would this meet your intended meaning:

Small denizens have fled
their homes and larder, solace now denied
by death. Fresh morning songs no more converge
in airy heights, where once the swallow plied.

in Light of your wonderful message, Daniel