Laugh Lines (Revised, with thanks), Sonnet Options

[MFK Buckley]

Thank you for the crits, I've adjusted happily accordingly. However consider a man who, if chastened, hastens to recall... F


Laugh Lines

If years from now you hasten to recall
my witticisms in another light,
inflections, buoyant once, are apt to fall,
deflecting into peevishness despite
how we are now. (Though I’ve said this before
in other arms, interpretations blurred.)
When we no longer linger I’ll ignore
you passing; it’s both best and most preferred.
But always you will be to me, as now,
endearingly disarmed, without a name.
Should memories of this conspire somehow
to recollect me harshly, you’re to blame:
the heft and cleave of me without the laughter
was all it meant, and all that you were after.

MFK Buckley



Laugh Lines

If years from now you hasten to recall
my witticisms in another light
inflections, buoyant once, are apt to fall
deflecting into peevishness despite
how we are now. (But I’ve said this before
in other arms, interpretations blurred.)
When you no longer linger I’ll ignore
your leaving; given that, don’t be disturbed.
You’ll always be to me as you are now –
endearingly disarmed, without a name.
Should memories of this conspire somehow
to recollect me harshly, you’re to blame:
the heft and cleave of me without the laughter
was all it meant, and all that you were after.

MFK Buckley

[jerryk]

Hi Fran;
it's nice to meet you, and I'm delighted to read your interesting sonnet in the Shakespearean form. I noticed that you rhymed "blurred" with "disturbed" which appear to be near-rhymes? Also, the couplet contains 11 syllables per line, "after" and "laughter" ending on a weak beat. Intentionally? I still struggle with the sonnet forms and wonder whether or not some irregularities in contemporary sonnets are acceptable? Best regards,
Jerry

PS: Oh, boy! I have to read more carefully; of course yours is of the Spenserian rhyme scheme (ababbcbc cdcdee.) Sorry.

Laugh Lines

If years from now you hasten to recall
my witticisms in another light
inflections, buoyant once, are apt to fall
deflecting into peevishness despite
how we are now. (But I’ve said this before
in other arms, interpretations blurred.)
When you no longer linger I’ll ignore
your leaving; given that, don’t be disturbed.
You’ll always be to me as you are now –
endearingly disarmed, without a name.
Should memories of this conspire somehow
to recollect me harshly, you’re to blame:
the heft and cleave of me without the laughter
was all it meant, and all that you were after.

MFK Buckley