 Music Lessons |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse
 May 11 11, 12:56
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 Egyptian  Posts: 369 Joined: 10-May 11 From: Outskirts of Sonoran Desert Member No.: 4,480 Real Name: JerryK Writer of: Poetry & Prose  |
Music Lessons (critiques invited)
My father died at about my age and I suppose I'll follow him before long. A violinist with a major symphony orchestra, he practiced for hours before performances. When I was eight he tutored me on the violin until we could play Vivaldi for Two Violins together. If my beat was off a bit, he would slow down or speed up. I still hear his voice, coaching me in his native Austrian: fis! bis! the German terms for flats and sharps. Mother would settle in her favorite chair and listen to us play Arcangelo Corelli. In her presence I played flawlessly. |
  
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May 11 11, 16:23
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Jerry - and welcome to MM. It's good to see you here and read your work.
This is a nice look at the relationship between father & son. A few thoughts below: Music Lessons My father died at about my age and I suppose I'll follow him before long. A violinist with a major symphony This stanza has left me wondering how old 'father' was when he died - did he die young or live a long life. Perhaps you could give us more in this stanza. orchestra, he practiced for hours before performances. When I was eight he tutored me on the violin until we could play Vivaldi for Two Violins together. If my beat was off a bit, he would slow down or speed up. I keep wanting to hear ' If my beat was a bit off' here - could just be me. I still hear his voice, coaching me in his native Austrian: fis! bis! the German terms for flats and sharps. Mother would settle in her favorite chair and listen to us play Arcangelo Corelli. In her presence I played flawlessly. Nice reflective final 2 stanzas. I hope something I've said might help in some way - if not, just ignore. Again, welcome! Snow 
·······  ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner            |
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May 11 11, 18:43
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#3
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Egyptian Posts: 369 Joined: 10-May 11 From: Outskirts of Sonoran Desert Member No.: 4,480 Real Name: JerryK Writer of: Poetry & Prose |
Hi Eisa;
thanks for the welcome; glad to be here. Let me address your first comment: I am no longer a youngster; my father died before the age of 70, and I have lived a couple of years past the time of his demise. "If my beat was off a bit, he would..." this may be a regional thing; normally I would indeed say, 'If my beat was off by a bit, he would..." This would be a simple thing to fix, and I thank you for raising these questions. Thanks, Jerry K. |
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