Watercolor Dream Options

[merle]

Watercolor Dream

A stick-figure family painted in bold primary colors
is propped upon a child’s easel.
Under the sanctuary of an oversized sun
children run happily through green meadows
with lopsided red flowers.
While parents hold their quarrels
Behind inflexible smiles; never allowing tears
to ruin their masterpiece.

[Guest_sandiegopoet_*]

Watercolor Dream

A stick-figure family painted in bold primary colors
is propped upon a child’s easel.
Under the sanctuary of an oversized sun
children run happily through green meadows
with lopsided red flowers.
While parents hold their quarrels
Behind inflexible smiles; never allowing tears
to ruin their masterpiece.

* * * * *

Children do reveal their troubles (and their family's troubles) through their artwork. My mother was the art director of an elementary school district for a quarter of a century, and I'm sure she saw thousands of instances of troubled young minds revealed through their art. I've often wondered how she coped with instances where the child's drawing or finger-painting revealed something truly dreadful. In those days, however, teachers and administrators were much less inclined to do anything about it.

Turning to your poem, the first five lines have a good deal of specificity, whereas the final three lines are far more abstract. If this were mine, I would look for ways to communicate the "message" of the last three lines using more concrete language. I'm not sure we need the word "quarrels". I want to see more of the inflexibility. More inhibitory behavior. I'm thinking of children's bodies depicted with looser lines, with a hint of curve, while the adults are depicted in hard, straight lines, pointing exactly toward the vertical. I'm also thinking of the children's faces pointing every which way, in a carefree manner, while the adults are staring straight out of the picture.

Hope you find this useful.

Fred