Hi Dani
This is brilliant - and I think Syl is right that it just needs a little trim. Some suggestions:"Seize!"
"Quiet down!"
"Release me!"
Personally, I'd write these in italics - not speech marks.Seize!
Quiet down!
Release me!My body vibrates these chants
[with each passing fortnight].
perhaps:
as time passes Nocturnal- ceaseless- pin pricking
numbs humane reactions.
Imaginary Choruses of raging waves
ravish my days and nights.
Weakly twisting between soaked sheets,
my tears are embraced by drought.
Morning light stings swollen reddened orbs,
filtered through UV protective lenses.
Pill box flaps heavily in my pocket,
with timers buzzing each ones' turn.
Seize!My shuffling feet resonate my pleas,
as each full moon rises then falls.
If you decide to go with the italics, then include this one
Reading throught this again, I cannot think of anything to change - I find it well written and thought out. I will come back to it, but you have done well with this.
Hugs Snow