untitled Options

[anaisa]

I've come to reminisce, retracing all
your steps beneath the symmetry of pines
and palms that colonnade near Angwin Hall.
The old rectangle chapel face aligns
its sacramental windows with the hills,
where sixty-years ago, inside those white
washed plaster walls your faith was found. Shade spills
like balm against the beveled glass. This fight,
to capture every yesteryear you've owned,
leaves me undone. The dormitory stairs
of walnut, tap an ageless chant— intoned
with all your giddy dreams and girlish prayers.
The thought of you remains an oblique ray
of fleshless gold, that burns my hours away.

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

Hi, Karen,

lovely sonnet,well controlled. There are a couple of places where I need a little help.

where sixty-years ago, inside those white
washed plaster walls your faith was found. Shade spills

The 'white washed plaster' image applied to faith invokes the 'white-washed sepulchres' of the gospels, a very negative description which I doubt you intended. If you did, of course, it is very effective; if this was not your intention, could I suggest replacing 'faith was' with 'faults were' to keep the alliteration and stay in the general area invoked.

to capture every yesteryear you've owned,
leaves me undone. The dormitory stairs

In these lines it's the switch from 'you've' to 'me' that threw me a little. Are you addressing the building or the young girl you were when you attended? Or perhaps a bit of both? Not sure, the later lines on dreams and prayers don't really help me with that understanding, but perhaps that's not too important; the language use is beautiful and more than compensates for a little confusion.
Jim