Set Free, Trijan Refrain Options

[heartsong7]

Set Free

The road is dark; the sky is bleak;
her loved ones slain or gone.
The rebels steal the wealth they seek,
then rape and hurry on.
Now all is lost, she has no will,
though help lies just beyond the hill.
Now all is lost,
now all is lost;
her baby boy lies cold and still.

The road is dark; the sky is bleak;
her husband left them all
He ran away, afraid and meek;
she saw him trip and fall.
They took his head and left him there
to rot where not a soul would care.
They took his head,
they took his head;
she saw its empty, icy stare.

The road is dark; the sky is bleak;
her journey’s burden great.
Her arms grow tired; her body weak.
She can no longer wait.
She’s going home at last... tonight
beyond the brilliant pulsing light,
she’s going home.
She’s going home,
the end of suffering's in sight.

[Larry]

Hi Sue,

I'm awestruck by the power and the message of your poem. As Liz stated, the R&M are perfect to my eye and my mind. Beautifully done!

I have one tiny suggestion which your may take or toss:

S3L5 - She’s going home, right now tonight

I felt that "right now" and "tonight" are a little redundant in the same sentence without any punctuation which might accentuate the additional stress of reiteration in that immediate moment in time. Maybe move the comma from behind "home" to after "now"; or have the sentence end after "home" with an exclamation mark. Start a new sentence with
Sweet rest tonight... or ?????

Thanks for sharing this disturbing yet moving piece with us.

Larry