Skin on Skin Options

[Eisa]

Here's another oldie (very old) -- just wondering if there were any improvements I can make before it hits the finished drawer.


Skin on Skin

They drink with gusto; thirst assuaged
yet unrequited hungers rage.
Their dance commences; undulations
shed her filmy negligee
to drape the floor. A lithe display
of belly-dancing; titillations.

Flickering tongues on freckled skin
inhale the musky scents within;
He sidles closer, starts to nuzzle
-- lost in lust they intertwine
instinctively, physiques combine
dove tailing in a sultry puzzle.

As fervour bubbles to a boil
and overflows; fulfilled they coil
behind their safety glass. I glance,
at you; we share a drink, before
my silk chemise slips on the floor --
a prelude to our mating dance.

-----------------------------------------------

Recent tweaks (thanks Liz)
St1 L3 was 'The dance commences'
Last St L1 was 'Fervour bubbles to a boil'

St2 L3 - have changed slithers to sidles

[heartsong7]

Hi Snow,
This is ingenious. When I saw the bit about flickering tongues inhaling, I was all set to use that as the only nit I could find to pick, when I realized that it's snakes you're talking about.
Love the imagery, the meter and rhymes are flawless to my ear, and again the premise is brilliant.
I say, it's good to go.
Great to read your wonderful work again.
Sue

[Eisa]

Hi Snow,
This is ingenious. When I saw the bit about flickering tongues inhaling, I was all set to use that as the only nit I could find to pick, when I realized that it's snakes you're talking about.
Love the imagery, the meter and rhymes are flawless to my ear, and again the premise is brilliant.
I say, it's good to go.
Great to read your wonderful work again.
Sue

Thanks Sue - glad you enjoyed this. It's great to se you back here.

Snow