A-Listed, R&M Options

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

A-Listed


Curvaceous as a writhing snake,
with Champs-Elysées legs,
she never makes her old mistake
of courting mankind’s dregs
but always picks a chaperone
to match the limelight’s latest tone.

Her hair is always perfect now,
her clothes are custom made;
tight make-up shows designers how
to master nature’s shades;
the tints and textures round her eyes
are meant to tempt and tantalise.

She hasn’t always looked this good
for not so long ago
a skinny kid with attitude
frequented fashion shows
in Oxfam shoes and backcombed hair:
she’s lucky that I found her there.

Amendedments 5 September 2010
S3,l1 - 'didn't' changed to 'hasn't'
S3, l5 - 'worn down heels' changed to 'Oxfam shoes'

[AMETHYST]

Hey Jim...

I love this! Strong from title to ending line. The 1st stanza nicely works a strong descriptive of the subject for the reader - intwining both inner and outer motivations. At poem's end, I was surprised at the narrator and thought it was a nice punch for this reader. Your use of words like curvaceous is applaudable. Puts an extra intensity on the image painted. Each stanza could actually stand well on its own, and yet blends so comfortably as a follow through into the next -

The only stumble I had was in S3, L1 and L2- I kept wanting to say "She hadn't always looked this good..." or L2, it wasn't long ago ... I think moreso, if L1 was revised a tinge, L2 would pick up the strength in offering the reader the time span for her transition from skinny kid, into glamored model -

I have to say not another nit at all ... this is a keeper - powerful on several levels. It shows so much about the subject and as mentioned, a nice surprise unveiling the narrator at the end.

Hugs, Liz ...