Could I belie, 2nd Sonnet Originally 2002 Options

[AMETHYST]

I haven't written in a long while. With lack of something new and fresh to offer you, I dusted off this older Sonnet, my 2nd Sonnet infact and I am open to any suggestions and thoughts for improvement. It is a Reply Sonnet to Samuel Butler's "She was too kind, she woo'd so persistently..."

Could I Belie?

Would I have been so wise to love without
a heart to break, a voice to vow and dreams
of blissful nights-to offer less? It seems
a waste of time to entertain this doubt.
Would I be more adored by you, if I
had used you as a fool -- had played a game
and masked my care in deeper shades of shame?
To hide behind feigned words implies a lie;
perhaps this voice that says "I will be true,"
or speaks in written verse, enkindled dear,
by hands that stop to wipe away a tear,
could never spark a kindred flame in you?
Should I decide to hide a better me,
or speak of love and hope to set it free.

[JLY]

Liz,
I am a bit of a disadvantage because I am not familiar with Butler's poem. Perhaps I should have read that first before I comment on yours.

Overall, I like the emotions that are shared in this one and the style is one that seems classic in nature.

The word "enkindled" doesn't seem smooth and it doesn't seem to flow as well as the others.

Your last four lines are very powerful and they represent the best part and the pure essence of your poem; to me they are a little more melodic and lilting than the previous ones:

by hands that stop to wipe away a tear,
could never spark a kindred flame in you?
Should I decide to hide a better me,
or speak of love and hope to set it free.

I guess I should find the time to read the original and then come back for another visit.

Nice way to start my day.

JLY