Not Alone *** Revised, Villanelle Options

[Michelle]

Not Alone - Revised

My time is not my own
when siblings seek a hand.
I値l never be alone.

Our children always moan
for needs and wants expand;
my time is not my own.

My husband takes his throne,
his wish is my command:
I値l never be alone.

I use a soothing tone;
as Mother痴 wits disband.
My time is not my own

when friends decide to phone.
A party urged and planned:
I値l never be alone.


God痴 plan, once dim, now shown;
He gives where life demands.
My time is not my own--
I値l never be alone.




Not Alone

My time is not my own
when siblings seek a hand;
I値l never be alone.

The children always moan.
Their needs and wants expand.
My time is not my own.

My husband wears cologne;
we dance beside the band.
I値l never be alone.

I use a soothing tone
as Mother痴 wits disband.
My time is not my own.

When friends decide to phone
our barbeque is planned;
I値l never be alone.

His voice, once dim, has grown;
God speaks as life demands.
My time is not my own--
I値l never be alone.

[AMETHYST]

Hello Michelle,

Villanelles are so hard to make dance. For the same reasons as Jim mentioned. They restrict so much of the poets techique, that making use of emjambments and word partnering, seems to bring them to life. I myself have tried a few and haven't done anything with them that makes me proud. While your Villanelle doesn't reach heavenly heights, it certainly soars well above any attempts I have done.

With that said, I applaud the wonderful topic. It is fresh, and easily can be understood by many! (including me, LOL) ...

I did like some of Jim's thoughts, especially with the increase in line length. It would give you some more space to do more with imagery, flow and motion - I did have some questions or thoughts of my own as well... Please feel free to use or lose what works for you!

Best Wishes, Liz

Not Alone

Nice title. Fitting.

My time is not my own
when siblings seek a hand;
I値l never be alone.

The open stanza makes good use of enjambment. I was a little confused by the use of siblings. After a couple of readings, it is appearant that you are referring to a mother's children (the brothers/sisters) however it automatically, to my ear, came across as the narrators sibling is demanding... For me, it doesn't come across too clear that the narrator is a mother, and she is referring to her children, not her siblings. At first, I thought the siblings of the narrator work, if we begin in her earliest time, when she was the responsible sibling, and her brothers/sisters never left her alone... then as she grows, it is the job, the husband, and her own children... Time 'has' never been her own... It was just a thought.

The children always moan.
Their needs and wants expand.
My time is not my own.

Perhaps instead of "The children..." maybe "our' children to show that someone else could/should share on these responsibilities, and yet, her time isn't her own. I also, felt the end stopped lines too empty. Perhaps

Our children always moan,
as needs and wants expand.
My time is not my own.

Or even, you could connect S1 and S2 -
Such as -

My time is not my own
when siblings seek a hand;
I値l never be alone

cause children always moan,
as needs and wants expand.
My time is not my own.

My husband wears cologne;
we dance beside the band.
I値l never be alone.

I use a soothing tone
as Mother痴 wits disband.
My time is not my own.

When friends decide to phone
our barbeque is planned;
I値l never be alone.

His voice, once dim, has grown;
God speaks as life demands.
My time is not my own--
I値l never be alone.

I like jims thoughts on "God's voice, once dim, has shown;
he gives as life demands.


Best to you, Liz