Succubus, English Sonnet Options

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

Succubus

Beware these eyes: grey-steel and poet-wise,
they see beneath your soul and find the faults,
the frailties which define. These eyes chastise
the secret “you”, however many vaults
you built inside: no harbour here to hide
from retribution. Other lashes pale
beside the ones I wield; old sins of pride
laid bare with every blink – assassin veils.
The centres drown: dark pits to pull you down
to Hell’s damnation. Light has lost this fight.
An inner Dark reclaims the victor’s crown
surrendered once but won back here tonight.
Such bloodless battles serve to prove my claim
that Hell and Earth are only one domain.

[Larry]

Okay Jim (and Alan),

Like I said, it was no big thing on the spelling so don't "Bash the Yank" too much. Perhaps I should clarify my thoughts because my main concern was the "grey-steel" part which places the modifying adjective "steel" after instead of before the color of the eyes "grey". Have I screwed up again with another Americanization of the Queen's English? If so, I shall bow out gracefully and just enjoy the read.

Larry