The Craft [revised 10 Aug 2010], English Sonnet Options

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

Revision 2 - 11/8/10

The Craft

Our spoken rhythms form the template phase
which poets redefine in measured time
to mimic conversation's turns of phrase
yet meet the strict conditions made by rhyme.
Once metre has been mastered language calls,
seducing us with sound-born melody;
repeated vowels brick the aural walls,
while consonance cements the prosody.
Apprentice years will teach the bard his art,
set exercises hone the poet’s pen;
improvements, made and measured from the start,
lead learners up to craftsmanship and then,
to challenge preconception’s barren wastes,
push poetry beyond established tastes.

line 4 amended 12/8/10.

Revision 1 - 29/7/10[/u]

The Craft

Our spoken rhythms form the template phase
which poets redefine in measured time
to mimic conversation's turns of phrase
yet meet the strict requirements of rhyme.
Once metre has been mastered, language calls
and bids us mark her sounds as melody;
repeated vowels brick the aural walls,
strung consonants cement the prosody.
Apprentice years will teach the bard his art,
set exercises hone the poet’s pen;
improvements, made and measured from the start,
lead learners up to craftsmanship and then,
to challenge preconception’s barren wastes,
push poetry beyond established tastes.


The Craft- Original

Our spoken rhythms form the template’s base
that poets rearrange in measured lines
to make a match with normal turns of phrase
yet meet the strict requirements of rhyme.
Once metre has been mastered, language calls
and bids us set her sounds as melody;
repeated vowels harmonise the whole
while staggered consonants add symmetry.
Apprentice years will teach the bard his art,
set exercises hone the poet’s pen;
improvements, made and measured from the start,
lead learners up to craftsmanship and then,
to challenge preconception’s barren wastes,
push poetry beyond established tastes.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Jim,

Finally, I'm back in again to offer my feedback for you. I tried to make some notes Friday at work but never got a chance to dive into it then. I get a chuckle when poets write about the art of writing poetry so am happy to have read this sonnet!

As always, take or toss as you wish.

Our spoken rhythms form the template phase
which poets redefine in measured time
to make a match with normal turns of phrase
yet meet the strict requirements of rhyme.
I enjoy this opening Jim. My only nit (and it’s purely just my own) is with your choice of “to make a match”. Is there another way to say that? To bring together/ to compliment/ the normal turns of phrase. A sub for normal to is: common.

Once metre has been mastered, language calls
and bids us set her sounds as melody; stumbling a bit here with ‘bids us set her sounds’. Since you use the word ‘set’ again later, I suggest a re-work of this line IMHO. Would ‘entice’ work in there?
repeated vowels brick the aural walls,
strung consonants cement the prosody.
Definitely admire this change over the original.

Apprentice years will teach the bard his art,
set exercises hone the poet’s pen;
improvements, made and measured from the start,
lead learners up to craftsmanship and then,
to challenge preconception’s barren wastes,
push poetry beyond established tastes.
Love this entire passage and especially the closing couplet.

Enjoyed!
~Cleo

[Guest_bombadil1247_*]

Hi, Cleo,

you've homed in on the line I am least happy with, line 3. While 'normal' and 'common' share the same disadvantage for me - that they encourage 'comparison' between speech and poetry- I did have a little flash of inspiration when seeing them put together like that. Have edited accordingly, interested in your opinion on that line now.

stumbling a bit here with ‘bids us set her sounds’. Since you use the word ‘set’ again later, I suggest a re-work of this line IMHO. Would ‘entice’ work in there?

'Set' works so nicely there for alliteration but I take your point on the repetition; perhaps I can use 'mark' to pick up on 'melody' and reference the 'marks' on a piece of sheet music? Though there are a lot of 'm's' in there already - I think it might work though, will edit that too. Thank you for taking the time to stop by; while I can't use your suggestions per se, you have focused my attention on the problem areas and helped me to a solution, I think - isn't critique a wonderful thing?
Jim