 Succubus, English Sonnet |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
| Guest_bombadil1247_* |
 Aug 4 10, 07:37
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#1
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Succubus
Beware these eyes: grey-steel and poet-wise, they see beneath your soul and find the faults, the frailties which define. These eyes chastise the secret “you”, however many vaults you built inside: no harbour here to hide from retribution. Other lashes pale beside the ones I wield; old sins of pride laid bare with every blink – assassin veils. The centres drown: dark pits to pull you down to Hell’s damnation. Light has lost this fight. An inner Dark reclaims the victor’s crown surrendered once but won back here tonight. Such bloodless battles serve to prove my claim that Hell and Earth are only one domain. |
  
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Aug 9 10, 20:17
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#2
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Laureate Legionnaire  Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Jim,
I do not think you need to revise - I GOT all the allusions to eyes, veils etc. And believe me, I am very dense in understanding others' poems. Not bein g self-effacing here, just stating a fact. Love Alan ·······  ······· |
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Posts in this topic
bombadil1247 Succubus Aug 4 10, 07:37 
Alan Dear Jim,
Having just come from your post on Vin ... Aug 4 10, 08:31 
bombadil1247 Hi, Alan,
I originally had 'search beneath yo... Aug 9 10, 16:57 JLY Jim,
A very strong offering that is not covered in... Aug 5 10, 06:32 bombadil1247 Hi, JLY,
thanks for stopping by, always appreciat... Aug 9 10, 17:03 heartsong7 Hi Jim...
a very thought provoking piece.
I see l... Aug 5 10, 10:02 bombadil1247 Hi, Sue,
nice to see you in here, much appreciate... Aug 9 10, 17:18 Michelle Hi Jim,
this is a wicked gem. Nicely spun. From... Aug 6 10, 09:53 bombadil1247 Hi, Michelle,
thank you for visiting and for that... Aug 9 10, 17:24 Peggy Carpenter Harwood Hello Jim,
I haven't been on MM much of late ... Aug 9 10, 12:55 bombadil1247 Hi, Peggy,
nice to meet you. The period after ... Aug 9 10, 17:51 Larry Hi Jim,
Been away for a while and it looks like I... Aug 9 10, 23:49 bombadil1247 Hi,Larry,
thank you for taking the time to stop b... Aug 10 10, 05:54 Alan Dear Jim,
In situations like this I ask Americans... Aug 10 10, 08:16 Larry Okay Jim (and Alan),
Like I said, it was no big t... Aug 11 10, 23:33 bombadil1247 Hi, Larry,
would never dream of 'Bashing the ... Aug 12 10, 04:07 Cleo_Serapis Hi Jim,
I enjoyed this 'darker' poem... Sep 10 10, 11:23 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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