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hellfire
post Apr 12 10, 05:59
Post #1


Babylonian
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 66
Joined: 14-May 09
Member No.: 798
Real Name: James Carver
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:poppy




Through
the journey of life,
our masks may change
and distances vary.
Equate
to the strength of bones
and yet,
it is in the depth
of our footprints,
where
true salvation remains.
 
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Maggie
post Apr 13 10, 16:26
Post #2


Greek
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in



Hi James,

I don't believe I've read any poems by you before. It's a pleasure to meet you!!

This poem has two very deep statements as far as I'm concerned: The beginning and the end. The middle leaves me uncertain as to meaning. I also think you can probably fine a new title without having to repeat the word "footprints." Personally, when I read free verse I don't enjoy seeing repeated words.

Through
the journey of life,
our masks may change
and distances vary.( Clear and wise first sentence)
Equate
to the strength of bones("Equate" what exactly to "strength of bones"? Not clear.)
and yet,
it is in the depth (This line and following lines are profound!)
of our footprints,
where
true salvation remains.(I'd like to change the final line to read "our true mark is made.")

Use or lose! You're the poet and make the final decisions!

Perhaps a title such as "A Life's Value."

Enjoyed the read!!!

Peggy




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