Rings of Circumspection [revised 03 Oct 2009], (Falling paeonic couplets) Options

[Thoth]

This was inspired by Alice's Haiku. (I can complicate anything) W


Rings of Circumspection

Rev1

There’s a woman bent and weeping
from her harbour mirror peeping,
who although she’s smiling bravely
sees her daughter frowning gravely.

Silver ripples on the water,
smile at me oh mothers daughter,
laughing eyes have changed to sighing
turned to those of someone dying.

Evening shadow fills the harbour;
be my grave, my silver arbour.
Cleanse me with your liquid stillness;
end my fears and heal my illness.

There’s a young girl knelt and weeping
through a liquid mirror peeping
and her tears corrupt perfection
spreading rings of circumspection.


Orig;

There’s a woman bent and weeping
from her harbour mirror peeping,
who although she’s smiling bravely
sees her daughter frowning gravely.

Silver ripples on the water,
smile at me oh mothers daughter,
laughing eyes have turned to sighing
turned to those of someone dying.

Evening shadow fills the harbour
be my grave, my silver arbour
cleanse me with your liquid stillness
end my fears and heal my illness.

There’s a young girl knelt and weeping
through a liquid mirror peeping
and her tears corrupt perfection
spreading rings of circumspection.


Photo by WW Schwim 2009

[Peterpan]

Hello Thoth~

From a blustering Natal coastal town...50 knot winds...and my roof almost blowing off...this poem is not complicated...it is awesome! Well done. I am so envyous of poets applying form. I am sure I will get there one day. The best I can do is haiku etc...perhaps I cant count or my rhythm is bad?!

Excellent!!!!

Keep writing...keep posting.

Bev