 Epitath, Short poem |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
 Aug 4 09, 17:59
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#1
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 Babylonian  Posts: 87 Joined: 27-November 06 Member No.: 361 Real Name: Ross Baird Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Mysty  |
Epitaph It all went so fast: I should have looked more; I should have listened, and, perhaps, sometimes felt more before now. ace |
  
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Aug 6 09, 00:21
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 10,025 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Hi Ace!
My 2 cents... to toss or take! I like it very much. Epitath It all went so fast; >>>>>> colon instead of semi-colon? I should have looked more; I should have listened; and, perhaps, sometimes felt more before now. IMHO, the trouble with the ending is that it appears that the dead person is "feeling more" now that he's dead. That would perhaps be OK if he also looked more & listened more from his tomb, but it doesn't read that way. If you want to, you can just put commas at the end of L2 and L3, and then we have a vision of a dead person actually regretting the whole three..! Wonderful epitaph! Reminds me of Edgar Lee Masters' Spoon River, except that he's more extensive. Syl*** ·······  ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Aug 6 09, 13:54
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#3
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Babylonian Posts: 87 Joined: 27-November 06 Member No.: 361 Real Name: Ross Baird Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Mysty |
Syl:
Thank you so very much; wish I could have you and Dee edit me before I post. I agree completely on the first line colon and the third line comma; however, gramatically I think the second line does require the semicolon to seperate two complete sentences. Thank you again. ace |
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Posts in this topic
ace Epitath Aug 4 09, 17:59 
Dee I like it. Simple. True.
Just a couple suggestion... Aug 5 09, 11:57 
ace Dee:
Thanks for the read and the suggestions. ... Aug 5 09, 17:11 Arnfinn G'day, Ross
Epitath
It all went so fast:
I... Aug 7 09, 02:21 Eisa Hi Ace
I like the message in this one and there i... Aug 7 09, 17:37 Peggy Carpenter Harwood Hi Ace,
Don't think I've met you before. ... Aug 13 09, 23:49 bipolarwriter Hi. Nice to meet you. I personally enjoyed your po... Aug 22 09, 21:16 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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