 Quiet, another Haiku |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms
 Jul 8 09, 17:42
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 Babylonian  Posts: 87 Joined: 27-November 06 Member No.: 361 Real Name: Ross Baird Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Mysty  |
Been critiquing the haikus and sewnuru's of others...so felt I should give everyone a shot at one of mine:
Quiet
The morning despairs... silence across the table... a still death of love. ace |
  
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Aug 1 09, 07:28
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 Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Ace,
The problem with senryus is that what's one person's klunker is another's Stingray. Personally I like everything except the punctuation. You've a light touch and subtle message. Why spoil it with such sophisticated punctuation as semi-colons. I'd use dashes. More casual. Lighter. As for the wording, I love it!!! Peggy ·······  ······· |
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Posts in this topic
ace Quiet Jul 8 09, 17:42 
Marc-Andre Germain Hi Ace,
You've captured a moment, and it... Jul 8 09, 21:56 prerna bala yeah, i think the haiku of yours captures the mome... Jul 22 09, 05:30 Arnfinn G'day, Mate.
The morning despairs; >... Jul 27 09, 07:56 alice Hi Ace,
I believe haiku is a very visual art form... Jul 28 09, 09:20 Cleo_Serapis Hi Ace,
I'm still trying to learn these short... Jul 28 09, 20:00 Psyche Hi ace!
How strange it is that different line... Jul 31 09, 22:31 Psyche I absolutely agree with Peggy about the punctuatio... Aug 1 09, 13:00 
ace Peggy * Syl:
You are both completely correct. ... Aug 1 09, 16:35 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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