an American haiku (...the oak...) Options

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

arid summer -
the oak by the septic tank
dips its roots

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

John,

Thanks for responding. Where is good question indeed, I guess I could specify a location. Though it's got to be a place where there are oaks and most probably in a rural environment, where there are septic tanks rather than city sewage. I've thought that enough for the reader to pick his/her own such location, assuming the task shouldn't be a hard one for Europeans or North Americans. (Should I change "oak" to something more local, like "magnolia"?) Yep, L2 is disgusting, yep tree roots damaging septic tank is a reality for some, and an unpleasant one too...L3; I don't understand the question when...Go over any Japanese haiku (or even some American haiku, actually). What you will find is a kigo, which translates as season word (ki=season; go=word...yep, I actually speak & read Japanese.) In the summer should be answer enough within the confines of the haiku. Or am I to specify that the roots broke through the thanks at 17:02 GMT?

Why the low syllable-count? Because I am aiming at the concise, minimalist, sparse use of vocabulary, accordingly to the Japanese tradition. If you really want a proper Japanese count, then count your short vowels as one syllable and your long vowels and diphthongs as two syllables...

I'll consider. Thanks for replying (it's the first actual response to a poem posted I've received in a week), it's appreciated.

Mark

Here's a quick one in the 5-7-5, though I guess it will be called a senryu here (a distinction neither the Japanese masters nor the Haiku Society of America makes):

a Chinese couple
mollycoddles its poodle
with instant noodles