4th March 2009 Options

[Guest_Ishmael_*]

And in the nights to come the sky will empty
The stars will leave the mourning to rusted moons
Lowering their eyes and coughing as they go
In early twilights breezes glowing guilty
Fiddle with leaves and all the brittle coffins
Lie scattered beneath a single trembling bough

Forget the lies of a vengeance still to come
Whispered by plumes that rise in fretful ribbons
Nothing stirs the covens they stand without shame
Consumptive figures of fun with all their claws
Raking the flaccid clouds and when the rains
Do fall the witches gather them up for oils

And who’s to say when the urge might strike again
To leave the gate for misery’s herds ajar
So lie right here my peach where the husks are blown
And lonely ghosts can watch us night after night
Damping down the dust with trickles of nectar
Let ravens scrape the sky with their broken wit

[JLY]

Ishmael:

This is a moving poem and requires one to read it more than once to get the full impact of it. It seems like you have summoned some unique words and very poetic images.
I notice that you do not use any punctuation and it would help if you did as there are some places that need to have a pause, for example:

Nothing stirs the covens[,] they stand without shame

The following line has me thinking of variations; not sure if what you mean to say is well stated and it is not as smooth as your other lines..
In early twilights breezes glowing guilty

I will be back after I have had a chance to read it a few more times.

JLY