Rhine River Tour, My thanks to Mark, Eira, and Sylvia Options

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Rhine River Tour

Revised

A gentle mist rises from the river;
daylight arrived an hour ago,
but old Sol likes to take his time
climbing those vine-covered mounts.

Soon the guide calls us aboard
we wend our way upstream,
cool waters bow away in a white wave,
ripples lap at the banks.

Just around the next bend an ancient
castle peeks its' crenelations over
sharp-sided crags and clinging bush.

Lines and rows of vineyards
push toes into alkali soil,
too soon to become wine;
you wonder if the pickers aren’t part Chamois.

Aromas' of wurst, pommes frites;
and thoughts of cold dunkel beer to wash it down.

Children fishing on the shore point,
laugh,
and shout ...

"Why do silly people wish to ride the river?."

Looking at scenes
they have seen
all their lives.

May 12, 2009/ revised Jun 4, 2009
© Steve Pray

Original

A gentle mist from the river rises;
daylight arrived a hour ago,
but old sol likes to take his time
climbing those vine covered mounts.

Soon the guide calls us to board
we wend our way up stream,
cool waters bow away in a white wave,
ripples lap at the banks.

Just around the next bend an ancient
castle peeks it’s crenelations over
sharp sided crags and clinging bush.

Lines and rows of vineyards
push toes into alkali soil,
too soon to become wine;
you wonder if the pickers aren’t part Chamois.

Aroma’s of wurst, pomme frits;
and thoughts of cold dunkel beer to wash it down.

Children fishing on the shore point,
laugh,
and shout a question...
"Why do silly people wish to ride the river?."

Looking at scenes
they have seen
all their lives.

May 12, 2009
© Steve Pray

[Eisa]

Hi Steve

I like this - it conjures up a beautiful scene. Very well written ... but I'll see if I have any suggestions.

Rhine River Tour

A gentle mist from the river rises;
daylight arrived an hour ago,
but old Sol likes to take his time
climbing those vine covered mounts.

L1 - I would prefer not to have the inversion at the start
A gentle mist rises from the river;

I like your use of words old/sol ... time/climb/vine

Soon the guide calls us to board
we wend our way upstream,
cool waters bow away in a white wave,
ripples lap at the banks.

[Just] Around the next bend an ancient
castle peeks it’s crenelations over
sharp sided crags and clinging bush.

Lines and rows of vineyards
push toes into alkali soil,
too soon to become wine;
you wonder if the pickers aren’t part Chamois.

Lines & rows mean much the same - keep rows as it sounds good with toes

Aroma’s of wurst, pomme frits;
and thoughts of cold dunkel beer to wash it down.

Children fishing on the shore point,
laugh,
and shout a question...
"Why do silly people wish to ride the river?."

We can see the last line is a question, so I'd miss out last but one line.

Perhaps

Children fishing on the shore point,
laugh and shout ...
"Why do silly people wish to ride the river?."

Looking at scenes
they have seen
all their lives.

Great ending stanza ... love scenes/seen. It's true of many wonderful places, the locals don't see the beauty when they see it every day.

Very Good Steve

Snow