Rhine River Tour, My thanks to Mark, Eira, and Sylvia Options

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Rhine River Tour

Revised

A gentle mist rises from the river;
daylight arrived an hour ago,
but old Sol likes to take his time
climbing those vine-covered mounts.

Soon the guide calls us aboard
we wend our way upstream,
cool waters bow away in a white wave,
ripples lap at the banks.

Just around the next bend an ancient
castle peeks its' crenelations over
sharp-sided crags and clinging bush.

Lines and rows of vineyards
push toes into alkali soil,
too soon to become wine;
you wonder if the pickers aren’t part Chamois.

Aromas' of wurst, pommes frites;
and thoughts of cold dunkel beer to wash it down.

Children fishing on the shore point,
laugh,
and shout ...

"Why do silly people wish to ride the river?."

Looking at scenes
they have seen
all their lives.

May 12, 2009/ revised Jun 4, 2009
© Steve Pray

Original

A gentle mist from the river rises;
daylight arrived a hour ago,
but old sol likes to take his time
climbing those vine covered mounts.

Soon the guide calls us to board
we wend our way up stream,
cool waters bow away in a white wave,
ripples lap at the banks.

Just around the next bend an ancient
castle peeks it’s crenelations over
sharp sided crags and clinging bush.

Lines and rows of vineyards
push toes into alkali soil,
too soon to become wine;
you wonder if the pickers aren’t part Chamois.

Aroma’s of wurst, pomme frits;
and thoughts of cold dunkel beer to wash it down.

Children fishing on the shore point,
laugh,
and shout a question...
"Why do silly people wish to ride the river?."

Looking at scenes
they have seen
all their lives.

May 12, 2009
© Steve Pray

[Marc-Andre Germa...]

I've enjoyed this Steve, the children stanza is especially endearing. I've got a few nits though:


Rhine River Tour

A gentle mist from the river rises;
>>considering that you're not using rhymes here makes it harder to accept the syntactic inversions; why not "A gentle mist rises from the river;" ?
daylight arrived a hour ago, >>>an hour
but old sol likes to take his time >>I believe that Sol the sun needs a capital 'S' as opposed to 'sol' the scale note.
climbing those vine covered mounts.>> vine-covered (hyphen) ?

Soon the guide calls us to board
we wend our way up stream,
cool waters bow away in a white wave,
ripples lap at the banks.

Just around the next bend an ancient
castle peeks it’s crenelations over
sharp sided crags and clinging bush. >>sharp-sided ?

Lines and rows of vineyards
push toes into alkali soil,
too soon to become wine;
you wonder if the pickers aren’t part Chamois.

Aroma’s of wurst, pomme frits; >>If my memory serves me right, German has the same spelling as French: pommes frites
and thoughts of cold dunkel beer to wash it down.

Children fishing on the shore point,
laugh,
and shout a question...
"Why do silly people wish to ride the river?."

Looking at scenes
they have seen
all their lives.

I hope this helps.

Mark