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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms
| Guest_prerna bala_* |
 Jan 14 09, 12:22
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#1
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revise 1
sloping roofs: splash slides for snow high noon sun ------------ splash! sound of molten snow waters down the cold |
  
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Jan 30 09, 12:54
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#2
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 11,717 Joined: 15-June 07 From: Springfield, Louisiana Member No.: 446 Real Name: Larry D. Jennings Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Just wondered in. |
Hi Prerna,
I had trouble finding your revision until I read the entire thread. I do prefer the more formal style but "everyone to his/her own". QUOTE I want the reader to hear the sound of water. If you want the reader to hear the sound of water, show them without telling them about it. Suggestions: splash of water drops Splash! Liquid cascades from sloping roofs to ice grounds from the eaves to icy ground. sun at work at noon! Sun frees Winter's grip. These are just suggestions. Feel free to toss them all. It is looking much better and I'm sure you will polish it to a beautiful lustre. Larry ·······  ·······When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers. Larry D. Jennings MM Award Winner       |
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Posts in this topic
prerna bala haiku Jan 14 09, 12:22 
Larry Hello Prerna,
As you've seen and replied to i... Jan 19 09, 15:43 
prerna bala Larry, i want the reader to hear the sound of wate... Jan 29 09, 15:56 Eisa QUOTE (prerna bala @ Jan 14 09, 17:22 ) s... Jan 22 09, 15:22 ohsteve Prenra, I unlike Snow have not heard of two forms ... Jan 26 09, 03:01 prerna bala hi Snow, i intend to rewrite it as a 5-7-5 and als... Jan 29 09, 16:01 prerna bala yes steve.
so the traditional one reads :
splas... Jan 29 09, 16:09 ohsteve Prerna, they are both good, if snow is correct in ... Jan 29 09, 20:53 Cleo_Serapis Hello Prerna.
Is this your revision to post?
spl... Jan 30 09, 06:26 prerna bala Steve, Cleo and Larry, thank you.
Steve, i want t... Jan 30 09, 16:28 Sekhmet Hello Perna balla Steve, Cleo & Larry.
For so... Feb 26 09, 14:03 prerna bala hi,
have been away from the boards for sometime ... Jul 22 09, 05:01 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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