Abelard's Passion (Revision 2), senryu Options

[Maggie]

Abelard's Passion (Revision 2)

Ignorance castrates,
but passion is forever,
beyond death itself.

Peggy Carpenter Harwood



Abelard's Passion (Revision 1)

Hate castrated him,
but passion is forever-
beyond death itself.

Peggy Carpenter Harwood




Abelard's Passion

Evil castrates him,
but passion is forever-
beyond death itself.

Peggy Carpenter Harwood

[Larry]

Hi Peggy,

A couple of suggestions and some information you might be interested in about Peter Abelard (1079-1142).

Suggestions, take or toss!

Since Heloise's Uncle was not really an evil man, just violently angry and seemingly extremely hateful, and to lose the "but" in L2, you might consider this:

Castrated by hate
His passion lasts forever
beyond death itself

Info: I believe that after Peter entered the holy order, he wrote a beautiful poem/prayer that was translated by John Mason Neale in 1851, which you might be interested in reading.

O what their joy and their glory must be,
those endless sabbaths the blessed ones see,
crown for the valiant, to weary ones rest;
God shall be all, and in all ever blest.

Truly "Jerusalem" name we that shore,
city of peace that brings joy evermore;
wish and fulfillment are not severed there,
nor do things prayed for come short of the prayer.

There, where no troubles distraction can bring,
we the sweet anthems of Zion shall sing;
while for thy grace, Lord, their voices of praise
thy bless'ed people eternally raise.

Now, in the meanwhile, with hearts raised on high,
we for that country must yearn and must sigh;
seeking Jerusalem, dear native land,
through our long exile on Babylon's strand.

Low before him with our praises we fall,
of whom, and in whom, and through whom are all;
of whom, the Father; and in whom, the Son;
through whom, the Spirit, with them ever One.

Peter Abelard

Loved the story and the concise way your senryu covered the it.

Larry