The Apology, The poem came in rhymes so I left it that way. Options

[vessq]

THE APOLOGY

Did you ever step across a horse
In the chill before the dawn
And leave a woman wondering
How long you would be gone?

She'd know you were home
When she heard you at the door
You'd never even say
What pasture you were headed for.

Never thought that she might worry
When you stayed out way late
Maybe lay awake and listen hard
Trying to hear you at the gate

Did she think you might be laying hurt
From a cow wreck or a fall
And wonder where to go and look
Or which neighbor she should call?

You are gray as granite now and careful
No careless cowboy any more
And decide to ask forgiveness
For all the worry you caused her

Through a puzzled laugh, you hear her say
I slept right through the goofy things you'd do
Because when we both were twenty
I was immortal, just like you.

[JaxMyth]

Hi there is much to like in this. Some comments in line:

THE APOLOGY

Did you ever step across a horse
In the chill before the dawn
And leave a woman wondering
How long you would be gone?

She'd know you were home
When she heard you at the door
You'd never even say
What pasture you were headed for.
You have gone from saying that you were going and now you are home and about to go again, the time thread of narrative is broken and the reader is left wondering why. The metre is also off.

Never thought that she might worry
When you stayed out way late
The clashing stresses do not work perhaps this separation:
When you stayed out way too late
Maybe lay awake and listen hard
The syntax is lost, perhaps:
Never thought she'd stay awake
Trying to hear you at the gate


Did she think you might be laying hurt
From a cow wreck or a fall
From a cow wreck or from a fall
And wonder where to go and look
Or which neighbor she should call?
Interesting construction "cow wreck"

You are gray as granite now and careful
No careless cowboy any more
And decide to ask forgiveness
For all the worry you caused her
The dropping of true rhyme does not work here.

Through a puzzled laugh, you hear her say
I slept right through the goofy things you'd do
Because when we both were twenty
I was immortal, just like you.

As I said there is much to like but the beats need to be regularised and the syntax repaired. Re-read from the view point of the flow of narrative and adjust.

Use or lose,

Regards,

Jax