Odd Socks Options

[Guest_Nina_*]

Odd Socks (revised)

A pair of odd socks
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black flecked with white;
long ill-matched;
hidden in darkness,
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them;
initiate search for their mates.
Yet something stops me -
fear of change?
loneliness worries?
habit?

I’ve grown used to them paired,
so they lie
folded together;
one blue,
one black  flecked with white;
growing old
trapped.


-------------------------------------
Odd Socks (original)

A pair of odd socks
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
ill-matched for so long;
hiding in darkness
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them;
initiate search for their mate.
Yet something stops me -
fear for change?
thoughts of loneliness?
habit?

I’ve grown used to seeing them paired,
so there they lie
folded together;
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
gathering dust,
growing old.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

This is a little sad Nina.  I'm not sure why.  Yet it clearly demonstrates
the comfort we find in the 'as is' rather than to instigate change.

fear for change
Should that be "fear of change"?

one black, flecked with white;
Maybe: one black, white-flecks or one black with white-flecks.
The last stanza could read slightly different: one black, white-flecked

so there they lie
"so they lie"


A pair of odd socks
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black with white-flecks;
ill-matched for so long;
hiding in darkness
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them;
initiate search for their mate.
Yet something stops me -
fear of change?
thoughts of loneliness?
habit?

I’ve grown used to seeing them paired,
so they lie
folded together;
one blue,
one black, white-flecked;
gathering dust,
growing old.

Your choice of course!
Cathy

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Nina,

I have to confess that when I saw the title I was reminded of Mike's poem about shoes ... so quite on the wrong track (not for the first time).

This is wonderful - such a gentle, simple description of a couple of mis-matched socks that is about so much more. Ill-matched, hidden, but somehow belonging together - love it.

A couple of ideas - possible suggestions if they are any use
{remove} [add]

I should separate them;
{initiate} search for their mate[s].
Yet something stops me -
fear for change? --- OF change? But you have of in next line, so maybe not ...
thoughts of loneliness?
habit?

Fran

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

This is a little sad Nina.  I'm not sure why.  Yet it clearly demonstrates
the comfort we find in the 'as is' rather than to instigate change.
Thanks.  I'm pleased that the sadness came across, I wasn't sure if it would or not. Sometimes people just drift along "stuck in a rut" scared of taking the step to change.

fear for change
Should that be "fear of change"?
it probably should but I have used of in the next line.

one black, flecked with white;
Maybe: one black, white-flecks or one black with white-flecks.
The last stanza could read slightly different: one black, white-flecked
I'll have to think this one over.

so there they lie
"so they lie"
Of course, briliant, why didn't I see it when writing.  The change gives a wonderful double meaning to the word lie.  Thanks so much for the suggestion.

thanks Cathy

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

I have to confess that when I saw the title I was reminded of Mike's poem about shoes ... so quite on the wrong track (not for the first time).
a perfectly understandable confusion - pink shoes and odd socks.

This is wonderful - such a gentle, simple description of a couple of mis-matched socks that is about so much more. Ill-matched, hidden, but somehow belonging together - love it.
Thank you, I'm glad you love it.  

A couple of ideas - possible suggestions if they are any use
{remove} [add]

I should separate them;
{initiate} search for their mate[s].
mates yes.  I'm not sure about initiate.  I think I will have to look at the line again because I'm not sure that it conveys what I want which is that the search for the mate can only happen after the socks have been separated.

Yet something stops me -
fear for change? --- OF change? But you have of in next line, so maybe not ...
thoughts of loneliness?
habit?
yes, I think for will have to stay.

thanks Fran for your comments and suggestions, much appreciated.

Nina

[Guest_Billydo_*]

Hi Nina

A cornucopia of pedestrial coverings today. Is this the beginning of an epidemic of foot fetishism?

I enjoyed this tale of sibling socks (I got an image of a couple of spinsters living together just as I remember some of my aunties when I was a kid). There's a hint of warmth tinged with sadness as well as fear of the unknown. A little to set in their ways to change maybe?

Lovely poem.

Cheers

Mike

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Mike

A cornucopia of pedestrial coverings today. Is this the beginning of an epidemic of foot fetishism?
LOL, quite a coincidence that you should post a poem about shoes, just as I was planning on posting my sock poem which  I wrote this morning while cleaning the kitchen  (good avoidance tactic).  I see you have a new avatar.  Is it a pile of pink shoes?

I enjoyed this tale of sibling socks (I got an image of a couple of spinsters living together just as I remember some of my aunties when I was a kid). There's a hint of warmth tinged with sadness as well as fear of the unknown. A little to set in their ways to change maybe?
Interesting image.  Thanks for that and I'm glad the sadness and warmth come across.  

Nina

[Guest__*]

Dear Nina,

Silly me, I read this as about odd socks, until other crits and your answers opened my eyes, and I like what I now see. One or two offerings to give you alt ideas, in case any take your fancy :

A pair of odd socks -- Odd socks, paired ?
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black, flecked with white; -- no need for comma ?
ill-matched for so long; -- too long ?
hiding in darkness -- hidden ? add comma
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them; -- They should be separated ?
initiate search for their mate. -- mate-search initiated ?
Yet something stops me - stops this ?
fear for change?
thoughts of loneliness? -- poss Cap these line starts ?, or use ;;; ?
habit?

I’ve grown used to seeing them paired, They've grown used ... ?
so there they lie -- agree del "lie"
folded together;
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
gathering dust,
growing old.

Poss last 2 lines :

gathering dust
and old habits ?

Nina, you'll note I've suggested removing the "I" from the tale - how does this read with you ? "I" seems an irrelevance, except as observer ?

Love
Alan

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Alan

Silly me, I read this as about odd socks, until other crits and your answers opened my eyes, and I like what I now see.
an easy assumption to make, but I'm very pleased you like what you now see.  

thanks very much for your suggestions.

A pair of odd socks -- Odd socks, paired ?yes,I know it sounds odd but that is the point of the poem - they are a pair.
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black, flecked with white; -- no need for comma ?
ill-matched for so long; -- too long ?hmm they probably have been ill-matched for too long, but also a long time.  I shall have to think which meaning I want
hiding in darkness -- hidden ? add commaagreed on both and the previous comma
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them; -- They should be separated ?
initiate search for their mate. -- mate-search initiated ?again, I shall have to think about whether or not I want to move the narrator out of this piece.  Thanks for suggesting it.
Yet something stops me - stops this ?
fear for change?
thoughts of loneliness? -- poss Cap these line starts ?, or use ;;; ?
habit?I'll go for caps

gathering dust
and old habits ?
I think I'll stay will the original as this changes the meaning, losing the fact that they are growing old together

Thanks again for the very helpful suggestions.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Odd Socks

A pair of odd socks
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
ill-matched for so long; (Maybe: long ill-matched)
hiding in darkness
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them;
initiate search for their mate.
Yet something stops me -
fear {for}[of] change?
thoughts of loneliness? (Maybe: loneliness worries)
habit?

I’ve grown used to seeing them paired,
so there they lie[,]
folded together;
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
gathering dust,
growing old

Hi Nina,

Some suggestions, above.

This poem, I find very sad. It is (to me) a reflection on the Human Condition. It is how we pair when young and them so often drift apart: sock metaphor  excellent - one going left, t’other right: the parting of the ways but remaining together.

As usual, I haven’t read any other crits - I shall in a minute. But for me, this has nothing whatsoever to do with socks - yet it does work on that level, if one so desires. For me, this plunges the depth of the sock drawer of life and is very disturbing - because it is so true. Very well done indeed. I can’t honestly say I enjoyed it but it is superb writing - which is why I didn’t enjoy it!

Great stuff. Well done.

James.

[Guest_Zeus²_*]

Hi Nina,

interesting, showing the passage of time, and the drifting apart.
But on the other hand, a lot better sometimes then just one lonely
sock just sitting in the back of the draw.
Each line in the poem is a statement on its own.

Larry

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi James

As usual, I haven’t read any other crits - I shall in a minute. But for me, this has nothing whatsoever to do with socks - yet it does work on that level, if one so desires. For me, this plunges the depth of the sock drawer of life and is very disturbing - because it is so true. Very well done indeed. I can’t honestly say I enjoyed it but it is superb writing - which is why I didn’t enjoy it!
Thank you and you are absolutely right.  The poem has nothing at all to do with socks other than it being the perfect metaphor for two people who are very different, married young and have drifted along ever since, not happy but not making the move to split.  In staying together, they are perhaps missing out on the possibility of being open to finding their "soul mate"  and true happiness.  As you say it is very common.

The other week I was chatting to my neighbour, a very sweet, bubbly lady who is in her 80s.  Her husband, though you would never believe it to see him, is very domineering and controlling.  She has to wait till he has gone to bed before she can soak her aching feet in the bath.  She doesn't dare turn the tv on and he controls so many other little things. Yet they have been together for well over 50 years and she would never leave him.  She said that if she had her life again, she would never get married.

Thanks for the suggestions which I will consider and especially thanks for seeing so clearly.

Nina

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Larry

interesting, showing the passage of time, and the drifting apart.
But on the other hand, a lot better sometimes then just one lonely
sock just sitting in the back of the draw.
yes, which is one of the reasons why they stay together.  Thanks for your comments, much appreciated.

Nina

[Guest_Jox_*]

Thanks Nina.

Much appreciated.

J.

[Guest_to-be-continued_*]

Odd Socks

A pair of odd socks
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
ill-matched for so long;
hiding in darkness
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them;
initiate search for their mate.
Yet something stops me -
fear for change?
thoughts of loneliness?
habit?

I’ve grown used to seeing them paired,
so there they lie
folded together;
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
gathering dust,
growing old.

Dear Nina,

This is my first attempt at “critting” , so I am actually nervous!  Hope I don’t make you nervous, dismayed, enraged, or in any other way ready to pull your hair out!  

I love this poem!  It’s a real keeper!    By the end it has expanded to that  metaphorical meaning which is what keeps me reading poetry in the first place!  I just love it when that happens in a poem.

It is sad because couples are, to me, always a pairing of  “odd socks“.  It definitely left me with the sweet ache of recognition. If it were socks of different sizes as well as colors…but, thankfully, it is not.  With the line, “I’ve grown used to seeing them paired” it is, for me, as if the narrator could be a relative looking on, perhaps a teenaged or adult child.  The way you begin the poem with the irony (?) of “A pair of odd socks”, starts right then and there to coax me toward the ah-ha experience of recognizing something other than socks.

Be that as it may, I will give you a few comments on the body of the poem in hopes that they will be helpful.  

 Would you consider leaving out “fear for [of] change?/thoughts of loneliness?/habit?”?  It takes me away from the socks as if the narrator were blocking my path.

I like the repetition of “one blue,/one black, flecked with white” in the last stanza. In my opinion, it kind of elevates the language (and thus the subject) in the same way that repetition does in some of the Psalms in the Bible.  Be that as it may, the “flecked with white” is inspired!  

Could “I should separate them” be “I could separate them”?

Could it be “initiate a search…”?

Could “so there they lie” become “so they lie there”?

I feel as though “never proudly displayed” needs chewing on but can’t really say why.   :p  Could it be left out?  Ditto for “gathering dust” (but, then again, I like the two “g“ sounds!).  How’s the title doing amid all this playing with the language?

Of course, I’ve had the experience of cutting too much from a poem and thereby wrecking it!  :angry:   Have you?  Here is how it might look like with the changes (do you like it when people DO this?!  Please let me know.)

A pair of odd socks
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
ill-matched for so long;
hiding in darkness.

I could separate them;
initiate a search for their mate.
Yet something stops me -

I’ve grown used to seeing them paired,
so they lie there
folded together;
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
gathering dust,
growing old.

Way to go, Nina!  You inspired me and took me on a journey with this poem.  Thanks!  

2B

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi 2B

This is my first attempt at “critting” , so I am actually nervous!  Hope I don’t make you nervous, dismayed, enraged, or in any other way ready to pull your hair out!  
I'm chuffed that my poem is your first attempt at critting and of course your thoughts don't make me nervous, dismayed or enraged (though I could do with a bit of hair pulled out as I have far too much,  :grinning: ).  Seriously, I appreciate when someone takes the trouble to read, ponder and offer their thoughts on my work, that's why it is posted here for crit, so thank you.

It is sad because couples are, to me, always a pairing of  “odd socks“.  It definitely left me with the sweet ache of recognition. If it were socks of different sizes as well as colors…but, thankfully, it is not.  With the line, “I’ve grown used to seeing them paired” it is, for me, as if the narrator could be a relative looking on, perhaps a teenaged or adult child.  The way you begin the poem with the irony (?) of “A pair of odd socks”, starts right then and there to coax me toward the ah-ha experience of recognizing something other than socks.
I don't think couples are always a pairing of odd socks.  Some people are lucky enough to find their "soul mate" and have a wonderfully satisfying relationship.  Others do not and may have married or stayed together for the wrong reason.  I also know people who have had unhappy first marriages and then moved on to find their other half.

Would you consider leaving out “fear for [of] change?/thoughts of loneliness?/habit?”?  It takes me away from the socks as if the narrator were blocking my path.
interesting commen.  The fear of change, loneliness and habit are things that block couple's paths to taking the step of getting out of an unhappy relationship and opening up the opportunity to finding happiness.

Could “I should separate them” be “I could separate them”?
changing should to could, subtly alters the meaning so I think I will leave it as is.


Could it be “initiate a search…”?
something I have been learning since coming on the board is that in poetry definite and indefinite articles are often left out to help the flow.

Could “so there they lie” become “so they lie there”?
I have plans to change this on my revisions, leaving out there altogether.

I feel as though “never proudly displayed” needs chewing on but can’t really say why.     Could it be left out?  Ditto for “gathering dust” (but, then again, I like the two “g“ sounds!.  How’s the title doing amid all this playing with the language?
with never proudly displayed, I was trying to get the double meaning, firstly of the socks never being worn and secondly the couple never going out together, sharing, enjoying each other's company.  Each does their own thing.

Here is how it might look like with the changes (do you like it when people DO this?!  Please let me know.)  
yes, it is quite helpful when a critter has made a lot of suggestions, to see what the whole thing will look like.

Thanks very much for your suggestions, they are much appreciated.

Nina

[Guest__*]

Dear 2B,

You worry about your first crit, and Nina has welcomed it.

May I just add, as a very experienced critter (so quantity is there, quality is another matter lol), that I would have been proud to write this crit, you are already a pro !

It is so easy to crit and reduce or destroy - you have NOT done this, you have offered alt views and ideas. When I crit I try to help bring out the facets of an almost-brilliant diamond, and you have done this here.

Summating it all at the end is something I mostly do too, because it can become rather bitty while cutting and honing, so the summary offers a clearer view, and makes it easy for the poem's creator to see your thoughts clearly and globally.

Well done, more power to your elbow (needed for scything ! lol)

Love
Alan

[Cybele]

Hi Nina,

Just to let you know that I have been here, read and copied the poem, am taking it away to read quietly and will return....

[Cybele]

Hello Nina,

Back again!

A very interesting metaphorical poem. Well thought out. Just a few suggestions to throw into the melting pot.

Odd Socks

A pair of odd socks
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
ill-matched for so long;
hiding in darkness
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them;
initiate search for their mate.
Yet something stops me -
fear for change?
thoughts of loneliness?
habit?


Stanza 2 L2  initiate search for their mates. 'their' is plural so mates must also be plural.

L3/4/5 suggest change to

thoughts of loneliness?
habit?
indifference?

I’ve grown used to seeing them paired,
so there they lie
folded together;
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
gathering dust,
growing old.

L1 omit 'seeing' extraneous observation.
L2 As Cathy says 'so they lie' , but this would make a great final line and statement Nina. Might I suggest restructuring..
L3 Omit this line you have already stated their proximity in L1
L6 Doubtful observation if they were in a drawer.

I know this is metaphor but a slightly better way to make the point might be

L6 wasted on each other,
   growing old,
   trapped


So suggested changes would read thus


A pair of odd socks
tucked in a drawer:
one blue,
one black, flecked with white;
ill-matched for so long;
hiding in darkness
never proudly displayed.

I should separate them;
initiate search for their mates
Yet something stops me –
thoughts of loneliness?
habit?
indifference?

I’ve grown used to seeing them paired,      
one blue,
one black, flecked with white                                          
wasted on each other
growing old,
trapped.  



So they lie.



I love the idea of a whole poem being a metaphor on life and think it is very clever. Really enjoyed the read Nina, thank you.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Grace

thanks for popping in and printing out the poem to read quietly and for all your helpful suggestions.

Stanza 2 L2  initiate search for their mates. 'their' is plural so mates must also be plural.
agreed

thoughts of loneliness?
habit?
indifference?
I agree that indifference is probably what they feel towards each other but would it stop them separating?  I'm not sure.

L1 omit 'seeing' extraneous observation.
L2 As Cathy says 'so they lie' , but this would make a great final line and statement Nina. Might I suggest restructuring..
L3 Omit this line you have already stated their proximity in L1
L6 Doubtful observation if they were in a drawer.

I know this is metaphor but a slightly better way to make the point might be

L6 wasted on each other,
  growing old,
  trapped

So they lie.
definitely food for thought. I quite like so they lie at the end, but I'm not so keen on wasted on each other.  I shall have to go away and think about what I want to do.

Thanks again, your suggestions are much appreciated.

Nina