junior guests present their work, my kids' poems from a workshop Options

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi, everyone

My kids went to a poetry workshop recently and had a fabulous time, hearing poetry, writing their own and making huge pictures (on the back of an old roll of wallpaper) to illustrate one. The event was to raise money for 'Children of Chernobyl'. They came home and asked if their work could be put on the web (since mum spends so much time there) ...


Tornado, by Jason (age 8): a shape poem


  Tornados can go at
        about 1200 miles
                per hour. They
                      surround
                       hurricanes
                      or tidal
                    waves.
              Tornados
            a r e
             swirling
               vortices
                 of wind.
                         They
                             can
                                suck
                                 u p
                               things
                           up to
                         as big
                      as a
                  church.
                     They
                       are very
                               deva-
                                     stating
                                          and can
                                          destroy
                                    whole
                                 forests
                           at a time.





My Guinea Pigs  
by Elizabeth (age 6): a prose poem

Our guinea pigs squeak when they are hungry.
When dad squeaks he frightens them.
They eat hay, salad, apple, carrot, grass, dandelion and guinea pig food.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Jason, Hi,

Wow!

"Tornado" is excellent - poetry and visual form. Brilliant.

I had no idea that tornados and tidal waves were related. Interesting, too.

"Vortices" is a stunning word for an eight year old - not sure I've known it that long.

Many congratulations on your excellent poem... I do hope you write many more. This is so good that your next few may be disappointing - but keep going... we all have good and bad poems - go through any less good ones and emerge to write more of these.

I hope you print this out properly on a sheet of A4 with a good font and put it on a wall somewhere (with your parents' permission I had better say). It's good to know it started on the back of wallpaper - but it deserves better.

I enjoyed it greatly.

James.

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Elizabeth,

My Guinea Pigs, by Elizabeth (age 6): a prose poem

Our guinea pigs squeak when they are hungry. When dad squeaks he frightens them. They eat hay, salad, apple, carrot, grass, dandylion and guinea pig food.

This is also very good. You too should continue with the poems and, you too, should print this out.

I'm in the wrong area of MM to suggest things but don't tell anyone...

You have called this "My" guinea pigs - but started with "our" - I think it would improve if you made the two the same.

I love the juxtaposition (ask Mum or Dad what that means, please) of your GP and Dad squeaking. Excellent.

I know this is a prose poem but what about changing the lines?... (to make it easier to read and pause)...

Just an idea - and a capital letter for Dad because he is a specific dad and that is what you call him. (And check the spelling of "dandylion" by the way...  should be "dandelion" because it comes from the French language, not the English).

and finally, what about the right colours for the vegetables? (I've done one for you - if you like it, try the rest - green for grass etc. What colour might dandelion be - and would it show-up on white paper**?).

Our guinea pigs squeak when they are hungry.

When Dad squeaks he frightens them.

They eat hay, salad, apple, carrot , grass,

dandelion and guinea pig food.


Hope that helps - print this out big font wideways on A4 (with a space between lines) - will look good against your brother's "Tornado."

Best wishes, James.

** Hint: If you or your family are good on computers, try printing from a desk top publisher (not a word processor) and put an out-line to the word "dandelion." Then, if you do print it in a light colour, it would still stand out.

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Fran

what a wonderful idea and I hope it has has inspired your children to copy their mum and write more poetry.

Hi Jason

I really like your Tornado shape poem.  It is very clever as well as being most interesting.  I learnt stuff about tornadoes that I didn't know before.  Like James I am very impressed that you know the word vortices.  It shows that you really do know what you are writing about.  I hope you persuade your Mum to post some more of your work.

Do you like reading poem stories?  I know a very good one that you should get your Mum to borrow from the library.  It is called Cloud Busting by Malorie Blackman and I think you will enjoy it.

Hi Elizabeth

You have also written a very good poem.  Your Daddy must have a very loud squeak if  he scaresthe guinea pigs.  James has given you some very good suggestions for your poem.  

I hope you write some more for us to see as I have really enjoyed reading this and if you do as James suggests perhaps your Mum can show us what it looks like with pictures and in colour.

Nina

[Guest_Don_*]

Hi Toumai,

Have you thought about a larger family for factory production poetry?

I liked the diminishing point height of characters in the tornado...as far as apparent capability allowed.  One supposes only the Oxford Press would have enough fonts for perfection.  Severe gradual reduction has been done in hardcopy books, and still proves effective.

Jox's cleanup of the guinea pigs' cage is the quality control your forthcoming factory may need.

Cheerful to know your children follow their Mother's interest in poetry.

Don   :pharoah2

[jgdittier]

Dear Jason and Elizabeth,
I'm a grandfather of 5 here in the "colonies" where we too speak English, but of a different sort.
Our idioms and yours are different, Ask Mum and Pa (here it's Mom and Dad) what "idiom" means.
When I retired and bought a computer I started writing light verse. I became interested in reading and writing like the poets who lived long ago and I found that by setting a goal to encourage the writing of old-style poetry, I persisted even when the doldrums got me.
I hope that you both share your Mum's interest and talent and if
she posts your pieces at MM, I'll read them and respond. If you ever want to ask about how things are over here or tell me how things are over there or talk with my grandson, Trevor, who's 6, my e-mail address is

rbjones02@optonline.net

Cheerio!    jgd    Ron

[Cleo_Serapis]

Dear Jason and Elizabeth...

 WELL DONE!!!!  :dance:  

Jason - your mum can post your poems here at MM anytime! I liked it and you even used a big word: Vortices - cool!  :cool:

Elizabeth - I used to have 2 when I was a young girl too! One was named Angel who was a white albino and the other was named Tootsie (after my most favorite candy)!  Tootsie and Angel even had babies too!  :wolf:

I look forward to reading more from you both...

Cheers!
~Cleo  :pharoah2

[Guest_Toumai_*]

From Elizabeth (typed by Mum):


Dear James,

Thank you for helping me with my poem. Mum says she will do some colours when she has time (cos mums are like that).

We'll change both title and first line to 'our'.

I didn't check 'dandYlion' and nor did Mum when she typed it and she can't spell very well.  


Dear Nina,

Thank you very much for reading my poem and saying 'hello'.  


Dear Don,

Thank you for your comments. I like the smiley.  :pharoah2


Dear Ron,

I was born in America. Mum and Dad lived there for several years. We came back to England as I turned two.  


Dear Cleo,

I love your site. Thanks for welcoming me. Now I get to use the smileys        


Elizabeth

[Guest_Toumai_*]

From Jason (typed by Mum):


Dear James,

Thank you for the nice things you say. My poem is on green A4 paper so I can put it up. I wrote vorteXES and Mum explained vortiCES.  :)


Dear Nina,

Thank you for your compliments. We'll look for Malorie Blackman's story poem at the Library tomorrow.  


Dear Don,

Thank you for your comments. I enjoyed writing this and making the shape.  


Dear Ron

My sister is 6. She likes poetry, too. Sometimes we make rhymes, but Mum gets cross if they are rude.  :p


Dear Cleo,

THANK YOU


Jason

[Guest_Jox_*]

Thank you Elizabeth and Jason - both for your replies and for your poems.

Good luck and please send more in soon.

I enjoyed these.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Thanks everyone for such a warm, welcoming response. I have to say that they were absolutely delighted and really enjoyed the process of reading and replying to the comments.

Fran