Shadows of the Soul, Free verse - or structured? someone please tell me. Options

[Thoth]

Off for revision

[Psyche]

Hi Thoth!

I don't know whether I should be replying, since you ask for clarification on FV or structure!
And I can't recognize any but the usual forms, things like sonnets, villanelles & Swap Quatrains.... and they give me a hell of a lot of trouble to write.

Nonetheless, apart from the beautiful profoundness of your poem, I humbly suggest that it does have structure, unknown to me in name. I notice that each L1 has 5 syllables, and your last stanza has 5 lines. Your L2's and L6's, and L5 in the last S, have 10 sylls.

I'm afraid I got called away at that point, but when I came back and read your poem over again, it really seems to have rhyme & form, although I believe some lines thereafter don't tally with the above sort of count.

So I'll come back after you've had other comments, without first saying that this is a beauty, I really love the psychological exploration throughout, the fondness and sadness and nostalgia, plus the striking finale.

Thanks for sharing, I'm looking forward to what the experts say!
Syl*** You're one yourself, of course!

[Alan]

Dear Wally,

It is certainly structured, as Syl says, altho that may not be rigid throughout.

It is a very good write, my only nit is that the last verse is missing its final line, not in a "sense" sense, but a physical one !

Written from the viewpoint of a conscience ! Wow.

love
Alan

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Wally, this has a definite rhythm to it and a very easy flow, I don't feel that it is structured. But not being a silly-bull counter, I didn't even try to count yours. I think that the last verse is fine. This is wonderful, poignant, introspective, cunning point of view.
Steve

[Psyche]

LOL.... I'd never heard of a silly-bull counter! I really just counted up some sylls to see whether there was some sort of form, which I believe there is, but maybe it needs a little revising...dunno, Wally.

I hope you come back to this soon, I honestly feel it deserves an MM plaque, but I'd love to hear from you with regard to our input.

Best, Syl***

[Thoth]

Thank you all for those comments.
This is just something I hatched with more a rhythmic rep than strict syllable count pattern. It started out as free form but I liked the flow of the first verse so much that I just kept it going. I guess habits die hard. I wasn't sure if it would work at all or perhaps be better loosing the structure altogether.

It was purly an experiment, so all comments are very welcome.

Hugs, Wally

PS. I have to go to Nigeria for a week of so on business, so will be totally out of contact for a while. I am really dreading it but have no choice. Can't even take a laptop with as it will probably be nicked! Not my idea of fun working in an equitorial city of some 15million hungry people at 40degC plus, rife with yellow feaver, mareria cholera and hepatitus!
With some luck I will be back next week some time and take a two day bath.
Do spare me a thought!

[Psyche]

Good luck, Wally! My good vibes will reach you, even if you don't read this post.

Take care and God speed!
Syl***