Tanka, 5-7-5-7-7 [or less] Options

[JustDaniel]

Note: I'd thought there had been a post on this form earlier, but I could not locate it. If I'm incorrect, please let me know.

Tanka is a Japanese form of poetry of 31 onji; the closest we Americans come to that is to think in terms of 31 syllables. The lines are generally 5,7,5,7,7 syllables in length -- or preferably less -- short-long-short-long-long.

I'm told that the earlier tanka shifted rhythm after the 12th onji; the more modern ones de-emphasize the location of shift or switch after the 17th.

At any rate, here are some of my own attempts, for whatever they may be worth:


Stumbling

Stumbling into growth
may be bloody painful stuff,
but scars remind me
this vulnerability
opens my heart to loving.

© MLee Dickens'son 05 July 2002



Jesus’ Earthy Dad

kept her a virgin
miraculous conception
of Mary’s Joseph
whose union was further blessed:
four sons and unnamed daughters

© MLee Dickens'son12 Dec 2003

- Matthew 1:25; Mark 6:3



annuals vs. perennial

‘lovers’ seek to come
seasoned and with wild bouquet
pretending to root;
a love is but one… who blooms
when planted in nurtured ground

© MLee Dickens'son 18 Dec 2003

[JustDaniel]

don't anticipate
anything profound from me;
eyes and mind are slow
it's a chore just to get up
and clean out the pool filter

[Larry]

clean the pool filter
after the dog swims around;
it’s out of kilter
when I get hair by the pound
he sheds all over the ground

[JustDaniel]

scat all over ground
where the dog took morning walk;
quite a hairy scene
best to wait for it to dry
ere using pooper-scooper

[Larry]

pooper scooper use
helps in keeping your hands clean
from solids or juice
or something that’s in between
that may look or smell obscene

[JustDaniel]

smelling out Ob scene
were homicide detectives
four Obs found murdered
maid seemed very Ob-servant
so policemen checked her out

[Larry]

policemen checked her
on the lighted street corner
but had to defer
arrest and had to warn her
to quit being a joiner

[JustDaniel]

John caught joinin' 'er
ended up in the hoosegow;
'e kneaded arrest
since 'e didn't have the dough
to stay out of the oven

[Larry]

out of the oven
for the miner infraction
of diggin’ lovin’;
professional’s attraction
caved in by legal faction

[JustDaniel]

a large infection
found him scratching genitals;
his immoral itch
found to be causing him more
than his bargains expected

[Larry]

expected bargain
when shopping for what’s offered
with shouted jargon
is not worth monies proffered
a disbelieving cough heard?

[JustDaniel]

believe a coffin
will never hold your body?
need an adjustment
either to your body weight
or view that you will not die.

[Larry]

view that you will die
because it happens to all
even if you try
by spending money to stall
the inevitable pall

[JustDaniel]

available gall
is shouted in the mean streets
gullible crowd hears
truths stripped out of their context
to slander adversaries

[Larry]

To adversaries,
I would suggest you make peace
for each path varies
but some are covered with grease
and rivalries never cease

[JustDaniel]

will rivalries cease?
will the Hatfields and McCoys
keep shooting down peace?
the Masons and Dixons can't
find a trace of their old line

[Larry]

their line finds a trace
of reasoning for the feud
but one must save face
without kin being too crude
so both families are screwed

[JustDaniel]

someone must be screwed
for family's seed to pass;
that impregnation
had best be consensual
or feud will emerge screaming

[Larry]

Feud emerged screaming
from the peace which used to reign;
guns and knives gleaming
and both sides must be insane
for such hatred you can’t feign

[JustDaniel]

unfeigned hatred
eliminates guesswork
look down the barrel
and you'll see the clear water
collected from off your roof

[Larry]

collect from your roof
all of the branches and leaves
so you can snow-proof
every gutter and the eaves
from what a long winter heaves