Tanka, 5-7-5-7-7 [or less] Options

[JustDaniel]

Note: I'd thought there had been a post on this form earlier, but I could not locate it. If I'm incorrect, please let me know.

Tanka is a Japanese form of poetry of 31 onji; the closest we Americans come to that is to think in terms of 31 syllables. The lines are generally 5,7,5,7,7 syllables in length -- or preferably less -- short-long-short-long-long.

I'm told that the earlier tanka shifted rhythm after the 12th onji; the more modern ones de-emphasize the location of shift or switch after the 17th.

At any rate, here are some of my own attempts, for whatever they may be worth:


Stumbling

Stumbling into growth
may be bloody painful stuff,
but scars remind me
this vulnerability
opens my heart to loving.

© MLee Dickens'son 05 July 2002



Jesus’ Earthy Dad

kept her a virgin
miraculous conception
of Mary’s Joseph
whose union was further blessed:
four sons and unnamed daughters

© MLee Dickens'son12 Dec 2003

- Matthew 1:25; Mark 6:3



annuals vs. perennial

‘lovers’ seek to come
seasoned and with wild bouquet
pretending to root;
a love is but one… who blooms
when planted in nurtured ground

© MLee Dickens'son 18 Dec 2003

[Larry]

checkbook may not be
mathematically correct
but when it add up
there is nothing left in it;
funds are gone but it was fun

[JustDaniel]

Mafunzalo had
a habit of borrowing
he never paid back
family members would lend
so Theirfunzalo also

[Larry]

sew their funzalo
where it will be long enough
and won't show too much;
a careless seamstress finds that
ma's funzalo doesn't fit

[JustDaniel]

funzalo won't sit
well with a neighborhood loan shark
he keeps his hand on
his assets; best that you pay
if you would keep your hands on

[Larry]

you would keep your hands
to yourself in crowded bars
or you’ll spill your drink
on someone bigger than you
and get shots you can’t swallow

[JustDaniel]

shooting the swallows
frowned on in Capistrano
Goya won't can them
they are migratory birds
every year on March 19th

[Larry]

march on the 19th
and you are two days early
for MLK day
but you were off Saturday
and Sunday’s a day of rest.

[JustDaniel]

on Sunday you wrest
strange verses from your Bible;
you've something to prove
on Monday you realize
you are just a pompous ass

[Larry]

just a pompous ass
is not very descriptive
for Congress’ people
with their heads stuck in the sand;
they are all a bray-zen bunch

[JustDaniel]

yes, the bray-zen bunch
seem to all be jackasses
and their heads are not
buried somewhere in the sand;
they're in their large derrieres

[Larry]

Their large derrieres
are covered with big pockets
which the like to fill
with money from certain funds
from the special interest gropes




No Daniel, I didn't mean "groups".

[JustDaniel]

interested gropes
are frowned upon by women;
enhanced derrieres
are only for the looking
not for attracted fingers

[Larry]

attracted fingers
with all her Rubenesque curves
and the thought lingers
in my mind but lack of nerves
cause tears as the eye observes


How about one that rhymes?

[JustDaniel]

tears as eyes see
Kim Kardashian tonight
Fallon doesn't flee
but hugs her; it's quite a sight
so much packed in suit that tight

[Larry]

packed in their tight suits,
female stars flaunt each blessing
which no one refutes
but I must be confessing
I’d rather be caressing

[JustDaniel]

I'll be caressing
without any confessing
'cause she is my wife
I enjoy my present life
and will not stir any strife

[Larry]

any strife will stir
pain or anger will occur
and may often blur
what’s said and what you infer
when you are speaking to her

[JustDaniel]

when you are speaking
if you rope in your vowels
you will make no sense
if you toss out consonants
you can vocalize all night

[Larry]

vocalize all night
if you are a coyote
with the moon in sight
and you feel billy-goaty
when you’ve eaten peyote

[JustDaniel]

if you eat oat pie
you are poorer than I am
try a few raisins
they'll help you get up and go
and even make you feel flushed