Snowflake ~ Revised 12/12/06, Atarlis Fileata Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Snowflake ~ Revision 1

Tat lace
of frosty flake
in five-point grace;
a crystal-flocked snowy wake
of wintry white embrace
in frosty-flaked
tatted lace.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Dec 2006


Snowflake ~ Original

Tat lace
of frosty flake
in five-point grace;
a crystal-flocked snowy wake
that winter winds embrace
in frosty-flaked
tatted lace.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Dec 2006


Atarlis Fileata [At’-ar-lee’ Fee-lee-ah’-tay] (Gaelic for "repeating poetic") is a 7-line poem with 2, 3, 4, 5, 4, 3, 2 words per line, and only one rhyme — in the 1st, 3rd, 5th and 7th lines: ABacaBA, the first two lines reversing as the last two lines. (There may be a very slight variation in line 6 and 7, usually only changing one word or rearranging the words already used, but saying basically the same thing.)

There may be any # of stanzas, but each stanza must be able to stand alone.

[JustDaniel]

This is a beautiful piece, Cat. It's good to see you writing in your own creation again, and this is a fitting one to continue your collection, methinks.

I'm assuming that you're using 'tat' as a verb, therefore making this a 'telling to do' sort of image? I'm not sure why you have 'flake' in the singular, since it seems more natural in the plural. It concerned with the shape, then I'd probably want to say "with" in place of "in" along with the plural, perhaps like this ?

Snowflake

Tat lace
of frosty flakes
with five-point grace;
a crystal-flocked snowy wake
that winter winds embrace
into frosty-flaked
tatted lace.

flickin' sLightly, Daniel

[Guest_Cathy_*]

This is a beautiful piece, Cat. It's good to see you writing in your own creation again, and this is a fitting one to continue your collection, methinks.

Thank you Daniel! *smiles*

I'm assuming that you're using 'tat' as a verb, therefore making this a 'telling to do' sort of image? I'm not sure why you have 'flake' in the singular, since it seems more natural in the plural. Whoever said I was 'natural'?? LOL I like 'Snowflake' for a title better than 'Snowflakes'... go figure! LOL So I kept the flake in the poem singular. It concerned with the shape, then I'd probably want to say "with" in place of "in" along with the plural, perhaps like this ?

Snowflake

Tat lace
of frosty flakes
with five-point grace;
a crystal-flocked snowy wake
that winter winds embrace
into frosty-flaked
tatted lace.

flickin' sLightly, Daniel

Changing to 'into' would change the image slightly. The winds are embracing the snow, not turning into snow. I appreciate your suggestions and they did get me to thinkin'... (oh no! LOL That can be dangerous!) and I changed line 5. I like it better!

Thanks so much!
Cat

[Cleo_Serapis]

This is such a festive, pretty poem Cathy!

I like the change from winter to wintry and will be back again soon.

Well done!
~Cleo

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Thanks Lori! I look forward to your return!

Cathy

[Guest_Don_*]

December 11, 2006 revision looks very good to me.

Don

[Eisa]

Hi Cathy

This is absolutely beautiful -- I like the change of 'winter' to 'wintry'. I really cannot nit this at all. You are so clever!!

Snow

[Guest_Cathy_*]

December 11, 2006 revision looks very good to me.

Don

Thank you Don!

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Cathy

This is absolutely beautiful -- I like the change of 'winter' to 'wintry'. I really cannot nit this at all. You are so clever!!

Snow

Thank you Snow! I appreciate the kind words... I'm blushing! LOL

Cathy

[AMETHYST]

Hi Cathy,

I have no nits for this one. I've stopped in dozens of times wanting to leave a real critique, only to sit and read the poem several times just for the loveliness and enjoyment. Then, a fleeting inspiration would arise and I would rush off to get it onto paper, attempting to tackle this wonderful form (and it disappears before I can make sense of it) ...

So, finally instead of having your poem inspire me to other tasks, I wanted to stop in and tell you that I've been watching this and think it is a fresh, poignant poem - The form is quite new to me and hopefully I will soon have that musing captured and readily at bay to try one.

I wanted to let you know that your word choices, for both their sound qualities and meaning interlace lovely within the poem and I think you've got a beautiful treasure of a poem here.

Hugs, Liz

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Wow! Thank you Liz!

I'm sorry you lost the moment! I do that so often and it really gets frustrating. I hope you don't give up though. I'd love to see one from you!

I'm glad you enjoyed this one~
Cathy

[JustDaniel]

And I've not only lost the momemt but the momentum of late, Cat. I can't seem to write anything of import or value...

so your fine piece here inspired me to write about my lack of inspiration in a piece in your form. How's that for depressing?!

Liz is right, Cat. This is a reflective keeper. Don't let it melt away!

sLightly depressed, but pluggin' away, Daniel

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I've not been able to write much lately either... LOL! I keep trying though.

I'm off to read your latest!
Cat